Filing for Child Support Today

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Filing for Child Support Today
2
Fri, 07-22-2005 - 10:44am

Sorry that this is so long, but I feel pretty frustrated. I spoke with an attorney last week about filing for divorce from my estranged H. I was prepared to file right away, thinking that the whole thing would take only about three months. The attorney advised me, however, that I need to first get a child support order from the Family Court before I file for divorce. She said that if I let the divorce judge determine support, my STBX could bring in a lawyer and fight it, prolonging the divorce. My STBX has never paid the legal support amount for our two kids. I foolishly agreed to accept less in the beginning on the premise that we would eventually reconcile. Well, STBX has certainly taken me for a sucker for the past two years. He refused to sign any agreements as to the payments he would make, and keep claiming that we would get back together. Over the past two weeks I've accepted that that is not going to happen, so I told him that I was going to file for divorce. He said that he didn't want one and that things were going well between us. Hello?!! We rarely speak, we don't spend time together, and we live totally separate lives. What he meant to say was that he is happy to give me less than he should to support the kids, and doesn't want me to wake up and have his check garnished for the full 25%.

It has been so frustrating to become a single mother and become finacially responsible for two young boys. I couldn't stay at the place that we had rented together, so I had to really pinch pennies and save to buy my own apartment -- fortunately I had put away some money before I got married because my father always warned me to have a "secret stash" in case the marriage went wrong. I also had to juggle all of the expenses with my own income and half of the kids entitled support. When we lived as a family with two incomes, the kids got to go on trips, have adequate clothes, and get new toys. I know that these things are not as important as having a loving, happy home, but my STBX thinks that he is only required to take care of the kids very basic needs. There are times that I have to tell them that they can't get new shoes or brand-name cereal because I can't afford it. I put my oldest son in parochial school (my little one starts in September) because the public schools in my area rate very low and are really failing. STBX thinks that parochial school is an unnecessary expense and that he shouldn't have to pay for education. I thought that the whole idea was to give your kids something better than you had as a child. With the correct child support payments, I can make sure that they get a good education and benefit from both of our incomes, not just scrape by while their dad drives a luxury car and lives in a new high-rise apartment building.

I used to think that starting the legal process would be so horrible, but know I know that I'm doing the right thing for me and the kids. Maybe by filing for support I'll finally start to find some closure to this marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 07-22-2005 - 10:49am
You are definitely doing the right thing, and it seems you've done the right thing for your children all along. They are very lucky boys.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 07-22-2005 - 10:54am

Good for you!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~