Final meet. w/ Soc. Workers

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
Final meet. w/ Soc. Workers
3
Sat, 07-15-2006 - 10:29am

Thursday was the final meeting w/ the Social Workers who have been assisting us with some family issues (youngest DS acting out & experimenting with matches). We discussed how things have improved (the SWs told me privately that they can see through STBX, and think he's a phony, clueless, alcoholic who contradicts himself all the time), and they asked if STBX or I wanted to add any observations, thoughts, etc. I said that I'd noticed something... I'd previously brought this up to the SWs in private, and they'd made the same observation that I did-- STBX doesn't see how hyper and unfocused youngest DS is (DS has ADD, and is on meds); we were in agreement that DS and STBX are so similar personality-wise, temperament-wise, that STBX is simply anable to separate himself and see that in DS, so he thinks there isn't an issue with the ADD.

At the Thursday meeting I simply said that I'd noticed that STBX and DS were so similar. STBX was a bit taken aback (not upset, more like he was actually thinking about it), and the SWs TOTALLY backed me up on it. I also said that I know that oldest DS and I both have simlar temperaments to each other, what with us both being the 1st-borns in the family; youngest DS and STBX are both 2nd-borns.... the SWs said that sometimes it is difficult to notice behaviors in someone we're so similar to. The clinician, Melissa, asked me if anyone else had observed the ADD behaviors in youngest DS, and I told her yes, my parents and brother had, my older DS had, a child psychiatrist, 2 child psychotherapists, his counselor, and of course youngest DS's teachers had seen that he gets wild and unfocused off his meds (STBX doesn't give him his meds when he's with him). The 2nd SW, Kate, had been to our house for eight or so 1 on 1's so far, most of them during the school year, and when DS was on his meds. The last 2 sessions have been when DS has come from his father's, and when he wasn't on his meds. To make a long story short, Kate noticed how DS was on and off his meds, and she said that DS couldn't sit down and play a game off his meds... he was defiant, irritable and unfocused, whereas he was pleasant and cooperative when he was on his meds.

I hope it made STBX think *just a little* about our son... I could see that maybe *something* hit home. I'll have to ask him what his thoughts were about what was discussed.

Also, the SWs and counselors have given their reports to the GAL, and I guess her report is in to the judge already.

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Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 07-15-2006 - 2:10pm

Oh man.... my EX SO's son was diagnosed with ADHD, and truly, he and his dad were so much alike it was uncanny..... except that EX SO did recognize that he probably had ADHD, but he'd convinced himself he'd "learned to handle it" and that included alcohol!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

Avatar for susieyippin
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
Sat, 07-15-2006 - 3:51pm

I hope STBX can see that DS *needs* the meds. We tried the homeopathic route, the herbal route, the dietary route (all under the supervision of my naturopath and DS's allopathic, traditional-type everyday MD), all with no real success. The only marginal help is fromt he Adderall.

I've discussed this with my counselor, my son's and various other doctors... my chiro's son who is 26 has ADHD; the son would sell his meds and buy drugs for himself, so he's very aware of the meds and substance abuse route, and we've discussed it at length (my chiro is a close friend of the family). We're pretty sure that STBX is self-medicating to some extent-- his brother and sister also have alcohol and substance abuse problems. STBX denies having any ADD in his family, but his family is in MAJOR denial with the booze/drugs, so I'm skeptical about that. In addition, STBX has been drinking since he was 15 or 16, (30 years)... I know he did other drugs when he was a teenager, so who can honestly say how much of his personality is himself, or substances? If anything, I think the family is bi-polar.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 07-15-2006 - 5:14pm

Well, the sad part of it all, is like with many drugs, and even my sister experiences this with her chemo "maintenance" drugs.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~