Finally...
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| Thu, 06-15-2006 - 11:50am |
Finally...I can tell my children that they will be with mom, next week, next month and for most of the summer in the years to come.
Finally...I can live with them and care for them with a heart that has evermore room for love and life; not one heavy with fear and worry. (Okay, it will take more than '21 days' to break that habit...)
Finally...we can move forward as a family; albeit with a changed definition, but looking for the sun and learning better each day how to deal with the shadows.
To the angels among this community -- you cannot know the thankfulness I feel for the support and encouragement and practical help my children and I have received in the 19 months of this divorce and custody process...
The trial went went for six hours one day and four more hours into the next. The opposing lawyer had reams of 'official' documentation. I had emails, some letters from staff at the school district, neighbors and my homemade little divorce log; and no lawyer. Much of what I wanted to submit wasn't accepted; but that was also the case with the father's 'legal counsel'. I felt humiliated at what they 'tried' to bring up; but the judge disallowed most of it anyhow; I got through it. He told us again, only 2% of divorces with custody issues go to full trial in the U.S. --- he was very deliberate, very measured and stern.
He stated he needed a little more time to complete his decision and told us he would forward the final custody decision to us. I have been wracked with nerves since last Thursday...yesterday it arrived. I spent a few minutes with my children, explaining very briefly the general information about changes in the current way their father and I are sharing parenting right now and we said a prayer and they went on with their day. One of them who has really, really valued this interim time with the father for these 18 months or so is more upset on the surface than the other kids; but I know in the coming weeks, relief will be mixed with other confusing feelings and I hope I find the wisdom I need to help them adapt. I have a counseling series of meetings for them scheduled, but they cannot get in until August; I think that will help them a lot to be able to speak to someone other than their dad and I about their feelings they are dealing with through all this.
Oh my, I just realized...lol, I haven't said what the decision was from the judge...
I had agreed at pre-trial to joint legal, joint physical as it has been during the temp orders (very, very difficult to manage with high conflict and almost no communication...)
I was worried about how that could possibly work out. Doesn't matter. The court order is sole legal and sole physical for the mother. The primary reasoning given to support the decision was based upon the fathers anger and control issues which the court was made aware of through the 730 Family Eval and the way he interracted with his children and decisions he made over this time period which the order says 'obviously showed he has greater need for revenge upon the mother for daring to seek divorce and to associate herself with and get help/counseling from the psychological professions' than he does for the 'best interests and welfare of his children'.
This is not a day of celebration; but it is a milestone from which the kids and I will be able to go forward in hope. I am mindful of those here who are still in the middle of very hard struggles and will keep you and your families in our thoughts and prayers also.
Annah and five sometimes wild, really wonderful children who are all on a solid path now...

Congratulations that this ordeal is finally over for you. It sounds like you're all set to get your life back on a smooth path and you're doing great things to achieve that!
*hugs*
~calla~ mom to rosie and gracie
Good for you! It's great that the judge saw through STBX and said that it wasn't in the best interest of the kids.
I'm so happy for you!
Follow me to my partner in the siggy exchange...
Edited 6/15/2006 2:57 pm ET by cl-justiceandtruth
Thanks for keeping us updated! I was wondering how things were going. I hope that now this phase is over, that you and your kids have a chance to slow down, relax and enjoy life.
Best of wishes to you on your continuing journey! I hope that things continue to get better.
Abby
Annah,
I know that you have said that today is not a day of celebration, but your post is especially the first portion, is very inspiring and I would like to congratulate you for getting ~here~ from where you started 19 months ago.
I hope that as you and your children begin down your new path that things continue to go smoothly. Please keep us posted!
*hugs*
Julie
Wow! That sounds like a really good decision on the judges part. Congradulations to you and your little ones. This sounds like it's really in their best interests.
- Jay
- J. Darling
Singehttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v244/JDarling/Headshots/Picture001.jpgr, Songwriter, Author for Celebr
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~