finally made my decision

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2005
finally made my decision
4
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 3:33pm

i posted this on toxic relationships also.

i have been debating on getting a divorce for almost a year, and have finally made my decision. i have tried so hard to make it work, but i just cant go on like this.

my husband and i have been married over two years. we lived together for a year before getting married.
we argued a little before getting married. ive never been happy with the way he acts toward my son from a previous relationship, he's always looking for something to fuss at him about. My son is 5yrs old.

we have a 16mth old daughter.

we always argue, we argue on a daily basis. and it just keeps getting worse and worse. we got into a screaming match last Sunday and he had our daughter in his arm while he was screaming at me in my face. she started screaming and was scared. so i grabbed her and my son and left, told him to be gone when i got back. of course he didnt leave, my parents live next door so when i got ready to come back i went to their house. he called and i just kept ignoring the calls. told me he was sorry, i told him i was finished with the marriage.

we dont have a marriage, we act like we hate eachother. fuss fuss fuss. my mom has even said "why dont you guys just split up, you dont have a marriage"....everyone can see it. but my husband acts as if nothing is wrong. he admits that it's his fault that we fuss, his attitude, and everything. swears he'll change, well he changes for all of two weeks and we go back to the normal arguing. ive finally just had it with the whole situation, i refuse to raise two children in that environment.

problem is, cant afford a divorce right now.

he says he's talking to a guy that he works with that is also a preacher on teh side, that he is couseling him. i told him it was too late for that, that he didnt want to do it when i requested it over a year ago. his mother died in 1998 and he's using that as a crutch to say he's depressed over his mom and that's why he acts the way he does. well if there's any truth in that, and he's been that way this long, he will never get over it and i just cant handle this anymore. it's driving me insane. i cant sleep, dont eat like i should, tired all the time, just plain out miserable.

he wants me to give it atleast until Christmas to make up my mind. my mind is already made up, im just waiting until i can save enough money for a lawyer. im disgusted with him. he thinks the relationship is salvageable he is in denial.

sorry this was so long and i rattled,
Tracey

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 3:44pm

Hi Tracey.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2005
Fri, 09-08-2006 - 2:24pm

thanks for the response.

no there's no way.

my dad has already loaned about 10K for us to remodel (new windows, vinyl siding, metal roof). and we were going to start paying him back this month. now he thinks that if we get a divorce that he wont get paid back (my thought was "is that all you are worried about when your only child is facing divorce?").....of course i will pay him back myself, i wont expect my husband to do it, since he wont be living there.

so...nope no way to borrow it. looks like im stuck with him in the house until atleast January.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 09-09-2006 - 11:12am

I feel for you! It took me a long time to be able to come up with the funds to hire an attorney to file for divorce. In the end, the only way I was able to do it was to take out a loan against my 401k. If it hadn't been for that, I really don't know what I would have done.


SOME (very few) lawyers will work out a payment plan with you. Also, many will give a free or low-cost consultation.


Hang in there. I know this isn't easy.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2006
Sat, 09-09-2006 - 12:54pm
Dear Tracey,
My husband is just moving out, hopefully. I reached my breaking point last night. We had talked about him moving out and us still seeing each other, but last night, I realized I am better off without the jerk. He said the same thing, let's wait til after the holidays. I don't know your exact situation, but I say waiting is about the last thing we need. What a Merry Christmas that would make for, huh?