Finally, PEACE! He left last night!
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 09-29-2005 - 9:42am |
But, I am confused about how I feel about it. I have to admit, that it was very nice to have a quiet night, no fighting, nobody in my face screaming at me, not being kicked and poked in my back in the middle of the night as he tosses and turns, not getting the covers snatched off of me several times. It was nice.
But it was quiet, and alone. He came home at 6pm (which he gets off work at 4:30, and it only takes 20 minutes to get home, but that's another story), walked in and asked for the garbage bags. I said, "why, the trash doesn't need to be taken out." He said, "I'm leaving." I said, "really?" He said, "yep, I talked to my lawyer, and she said since we are fighting and you're threatening to press charges on me and get me kicked out anyway, the best thing for me to do is move out."
At first, I was making jokes, smiling, but then it hit me, and I found myself bawling on the couch as I watched him pack. He held our daughter for a few minutes, cried, and left. When he got out the back door (sliding glass door), he just stood on the steps, kneeled down and pet the cat, and just cried. And it hurt me so much.
But now, I'm not sure whether to be happy or sad. No more yelling and fighting, but no more cuddling and talking. The last 8 weeks have been a nightmare for me, but before that, the last 8 years have held some wonderful memories. We had our rough times, and I'm not happy about them, but I will always miss him. He holds my heart in his hand, whether he believes it or not, he does.
One thing that concerns me is that he took a letter I had written to him, before I confessed about the affair I had 2 years ago, where I told him I had not had an affair. I worry about him using it in court, and I could just beat the stew out of myself for not cleaning it up. I didn't think anything of it. My son had been using the notepad for paper to make paper airplanes, and when Chuck picked it up last night, my stomach twisted. I knew that he could use that in court, because I did put that I never had an affair, then I confessed to him a week later that I did once. I haven't told my lawyer that, and I think I should but I don't know how to tell him.
Right now, I'm scared, and sick to my stomach. I just want this divorce to be over with, unfortunately. And coincidentally, my mom and her husband separated last night, too. So, we both separated on the same day. She's going through the exact same thing I am. I just want to be done with this.
I just have questions for the lawyer's office, and they haven't called back. I'm tempted to call them again, I need to make sure that the lawyer knows that my husband moved out last night, because he was supposed to be going to the courthouse to get an order to get him out today. Well, I just called, and they're both in court, geez! :o( I wanted them to know before they went to court that he was out of the house! I wanted to get a restraining order to KEEP him out of the house. POOP! :o(
I don't know where he stayed, he wouldn't tell me. I've got to go by the bank and get the money out of checking today. I don't want him to get his little paws on it. That's right at $800, and I need to pay bills!
Anyhow, thanks for reading. :o( I'm sure as each day passes, it'll be easier for me.
Josie

Hugs, josie. It's normal to feel mixed emotions in your situation. It's ok to grieve for the loss of your marriage. You're right - as time passes it will get easier. So you've just got to hang in there through this rough period. I know it won't be easy, but being 100% honest with your lawyer is in your best interest so he/she has all the information and can give you accurate advice. I don't know what the laws of your state are, but here if you know about an affair a spouse has had and forgive it and try the marriage again, you can't legally use that affair against the spouse as a reason for divorce. You'd have to check with your lawyer to see whether that applies to you. Wishing you well.
-sang
Thank you, Sang. He does know about the affair I had 2 years ago, and told me he forgived me for it. It's just that NOW he thinks I'm still having an affair. He didn't find out about the one I did have until AFTER he accused me of having an affair this time. :o( The entire situation is so confusing and frustrating.
I told him that what I did 2 years ago was a mistake, I never meant for it to happen, but it gave me a better appreciation of my marriage and my children. I told him all of this, and he understood and told me he'd forgive me.
He just won't drop the thought of me having an affair now. The guy he's accusing me of having an affair with is 48 years old, overweight, bald, greying with what little hair he has, and TOTALLY not my type. My lawyer knows the circumstances, and that I did have an affair 2 years ago, and told me that if I confessed, begged for forgiveness and he SAID he forgave me and wanted to move on, it won't hold up in court. I live in Georgia, by the way.
I would rather do a no-fault uncontested divorce. My STBX is mistaken in how he says it. He says "Georgia is a no-fault state, so you can't say it was me that caused the divorce." ROTFL, I laughed so hard when he told me that. I said, "no, no-fault means that you both agree that the marriage is unsalvageable and agree to divorce." I am just really confused right now. I'd love to go see a counselor, but I'm scared that it'll hurt my case if we DO have to go fight in front of a judge! I want to ask my lawyer if I can, but I don't want him to go to court and say that I'm crazy, depressed, and unfit to take care of our children. :o( I don't want to give him any reason to hurt me any more than he already has. I just don't want to go through a year of fighting. I need to talk to a counselor or therapist to work through the mental abuse that he has put me through. He's always put me through a small amount of mental abuse, but in the last 8 weeks, it has been unbearable. :o(
Thank you for your kind words. I'll inform my lawyer about the letter that my STBX took.
Josie