Finally...no gifts!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2008
Finally...no gifts!
6
Sun, 05-11-2008 - 8:28pm

I know this may sound cold to some people.

It's okay to jump...you have wings! 

To move forward...you have to stop looking back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2008
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 10:45am
I understand what you mean. I got an Easter card and flowers and a card from STBX this year. Funny, there were many years where I got nothing!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2003
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 11:09am
Hi all, my H (we have been seperated since Nov 07, living with OW) he cont to buy me things my b-day was Apr 1, Easter, now Mothers Day, but cards and gifts are what kids have picked out, and always flowers. He had always done that, but would also include a card from himself. Our kids are old enough to do this themselves now, so Im not sure if its out of love he still does this, guilt, obligation etc. I was actually disappointed because he didnt call to wish me happy mothers day. This is the man who has told me from the beginning of this emotional roller coaster that he loves me as the mother of his children, yeah wth anyway I do know that he took OW out to dinner, what kind of mother is she messing with a married man?? I just dont get it. Fathers Day is coming, wonder if he expects Father of the Year award!! I usually call to Thank him for thinking of me, but IM over it now. I didnt call him wonder if he got the hint?? Any thoughts or suggestions?? Marylee
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2007
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 11:32am

It doesn't sound cold to me. It sounds like you are feeling a little relief with your ex moving on with his life. It is hard to be both the one who leaves and the one who has been left. It's also hard to feel that your partner is trying to buy you or your happiness.

Congrats for the feeling of comfort for you today.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2007
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 11:47am

Marylee-
I'm sorry your feelings were hurt by your stbx on Mother's Day. I, too, feel like Mother's Day and Father's Day are to recognize you as a parent, and not as a spouse. So, as mother of his children, it's like he should recognize you. However, if the kids are old enough to do it on their own, I wouldn't expect your stbx to recognize you. It would be NICE, but not expected.

If my husband and I separate, I expect all of this to stop. I don't expect cards, presents, or even phone calls on holidays. I think that's part of the deal. It's apparent that your stbx has moved on from the marriage, so I imagine he figures his responsibility to make usure the kids recognize you on Mother's Day has also ceased. I encourage you to do whatever feels right to you on Father's Day. FWIW, I will also always love my husband, even if we are not together. I may not want to be with him, but how could I not love the man who helped me create our beautiful, wonderful children?!??!

My H and I have always made sure the kids do things for the other on holidays and throw in our own appreciation. Yesterday was the first day he hasn't gotten me a card for Mother's Day or tried to make it special for me. I definitely took it as a sign that the marriage is nearing its end. And, just curious--does the OW have kids of her own, or was he taking her out to recognize her as a potential future stepmom?

Hugs to you, and I hope your kids made you feel like the best mom in the world yesterday! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2003
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 12:08pm
Yes she has 6 kids, by 4 different dads, the youngest is 4! Hes lived their since Nov 07, I cant believe what hes willing to put up with for her! I think he is beginning to realize that the grass isnt greener on that side of the fence. I havent filed yet, Im giving it a year. Thanks Marylee
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 4:16pm

6 kids w/ 4 fathers--now that's what I would call a really confusing father's day.