Finding myself?
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| Thu, 03-13-2008 - 10:24pm |
While I was working out today (have to get rid of the negative energy somehow!), it suddenly occurred to me - yes, my marriage is in all likelihood over - BUT that doesn't mean I have lost everything. I still have myself. I haven't ever been on my own (much less on my own with 3 kids!). We have been together since high school (!). It suddenly occurred to me - nobody died here, my boyfriend (okay husband) just broke up with me. It isn't the end of the world. I just have to remember the person I am without him. I am trying to think of all the things *I* like and would choose to do if I didn't have to feel like I had to answer to someone.
Perhaps this sounds simplistic and I know I won't always feel like this but again - today I have had some relief from absolute grief and devastation.
I think one day I am going to be just fine. My life isn't going along the way I had planned but maybe that is okay.
I have spent a lot of time thinking over the last few weeks (especially in the last two since dday) and I think maybe I am starting to get somewhere with my own thoughts.
He has been out of town this week on a business trip and that has been a great relief. Soon he will be back and I will have to face him again but I feel a little stronger - a little more 'me'.
(also - I have been listening a lot to 'strong' women focused songs while working out and I think these have made me see my situation a bit differently too. My favorite is 'Stronger Woman' by Jewel)
Just wanted to share something positive (while the feeling lasts LOL - my emotions are such a rollercoater).
Hurtnlost

I was thinking the same thing the other day.
Katy
hurtnlost,
Thank you for your positive thoughts in this correspondence and your reply to my email. You have such a great outlook in such an ugly situation...
Stay positive and know that I am sending you positive.
Memphis01
Yes, agree with you also.