First appt with attorney

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
First appt with attorney
14
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 8:55am

Hello! I am new here and I am sure you can guess the reason I am here. I called yesterday for an appointment with an attorney. Thanks to my company's EAP I get a free consultation. I was hoping to get some advice on what I need to ask so that I can get the biggest bang for my money (well, it's free but still...). I have 2 minor children, so obviously I am going to ask about child support and custody laws in our state. We really don't have many assets to divide up, so that shouldn't be a big deal. Anything else that I am not thinking of? I feel like my head is spinning and won't stop. Thanks in advance,

Long time lurker,
N2B

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2006
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 10:08am
I'm sorry that you find yourself here but welcome to the board. We have no real assets that cannot be divided up between the 2 of us personally. All of my questions pretained to the kids. CS, difference between joint and soul custody, visitation.... Only question that wasn't child related was how long it would all take. Lucky for me with an uncontested divorce it will take only 60 days from the date that it is filed. Now all I have to do is come up with the money.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 10:33am

Thanks for your response and the welcome. I guess that is another question, how much does a divorce cost? I have really only talked to one person that I know that has recently been through a divorce and his cost $100 grand. If I had that kind of money sitting around, I may not be getting a divorce! :-) His was different though because they had a lot of assets to divide up and they fought over every decision....there weren't even any kids involved, can you imagine if there were?

Thanks again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2006
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 10:40am
Wow! I can't imagine anything other then my kids being important enough to spend that much money fighting over. The attorney I am using is only gonna cost me $1000 and that includes all the filing fees and court costs. I did also ask if it mattered who did the filing since he is the one who actually wants out. She said no but I if I leave it up to him he'll just go his seperate way and keep it legal forever. I need the closure if he's not going to be a man and honor his committments. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 11:11am

I am right there with you. We really don't have much to split up but even if we did, I could replace a lot with the $100 grand I spent on the attorney. My kids are the only thing I would fight for. What did your attorney say about sole versus joint custody? From the research I have done, it is hard to get sole unless you can show that the dad is harmful. My h is a good father and I would never keep him from our children but it would be peace of mind to have sole, physical custody so that I didn't have to worry about it.

I understand what you mean about you needing closure. Who would want to say that you had been separated for 10 yrs? My h wouldn't do anything either. That is part of our problem (well one of many, many...), he wants to sit around and let me take care of everything. That is why I will be seeking the advice of an attorney and will be filing. Another question just popped up. If everything is amicable, do we have to each have our own attorney? When we have talked about d in the past, we agreed that we would act like adults and settle everything ourselves instead of fighting it out in court. Of course, things change when it is reality I guess.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2006
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 11:23am

I'm in Texas. She said here the only difference here is that with joint custody he will have the abilitly to sign for then to have medical treatment, enter the militry or get married before they are of age without my consent. I was under the impression that would mean they would have to be with him 1/2 the time and that won't happen. She said here that is a totally different thing. We will have joint custody with me as their primary conservator and residence. Since we will be moving out of state his visitation will consist of summer and every other holiday. But my stbx works construction and travels so I told him that he can visit when he can as long as he calls in advance to let me know.

As far as attorneys go if nothing is contested then you do not need two. I am retaining the attorney for the simple fact that it means she is working for me and my and the kids best interest. I need that peace of mind. All he has to do is come in and sign the papers and go before the judge to have him tell us that the marriage is disolved.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 2:53pm

Hi!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2006
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 3:17pm
You always have such great advice, Karen. I have to point out that the only thing I know about divorce are the things that pretain to mine. In my case I hope my stbx doesn't decide he wants an attorney because I don't want to have to fight with him. We have set down and written down everything we could think of that would be addressed in the divorce agreement. We both gave on things and it all want rather smoothly considering we were dividing up the last 11 years of our lives. I do have a little trouble tring to see that he has rights too. Right now I feel that since he wants to get rid of his family he shouldn'thave any rights. I do know my feeling will eventually change and Karen has helped me to see that as something I need to work on. For the sake of my kids if nothing else. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2005
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 4:15pm

hi there... and welcome....

i live in PA and my divorce was uncontested and finalized within 90 days of the filing of the decree.... we agreed to the asset settlement quite easily (no kids, only a house and our belongings to split; married 10+ years, together 16+)... he wanted the divorce and i didn't but i filed for it to give him what he wanted.... why would i want to force someone to stay with me that obviously didn't want to? anyways.... it cost around $500 for the whole thing.... this was nearly 8 months ago..... whew.... still so much to fix......

good luck.... hope it all works out for you.

Ali

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 4:46pm
Thank you so much for your reply. I appreciate all the info and I am going to check out the board website. For some reason learning as much as I can about all this makes me feel like I am still in control even though it feels like my life is unraveling at the seems.
Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 4:54pm
Of course we don't want them to get their own attorney ;-) .....and it only makes sense that we're looking out for our rights.... and their responsibilities ;-)

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

Pages