first court date tom..I am so scared !!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2006
first court date tom..I am so scared !!
12
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 11:33pm
Hi everyone! My name is Kelli and I am mom of 3 fabulous kids. I filed for divorce a month ago and am preparing myself for our first court date tom. This is for case disclosure. I am so scared and nervous. To give you a little back ground about my life...My ex and I started dating when we were 16 got engaged at 18 and married at 20. I thought we would be together forever..Wrong! I will be 34 next week and needless to say we didn't quite make the forever mark. In May 2005 we began fighting for no good reason and he began taking off often not coming home(claimed he was at his brothers rt down the road). This went on for months. I begged and pleaded with him to tell me what was wrong..it was I don't know what I want...he said he wasn't getting enough sex and that I didn't seem interested in him etc.. I cried myself to sleep every night for months. He always seemed to feel bad for upsetting me and my friends insisted he was having an affair. I defended him to the end..he would never do that to me. Well he was and he moved her in about 2 days after he moved the kids and I out. That was Jan 2006. In June 2006 he proposed in front of my kids. This is so morally wrong. We only had a verbal agreement between us concerning the visitation and the child support. He has since quit paying me (I don't feel that $100.00 per month qualifies as support) and has convinced my oldest son who just turned 12 to live with him. So I filed for divorce and got a new lawyer and our first court date is tom. It needs to be done. He wants to see the kids but does not communicate with me and is in fact downright rude and obnoxious in dealing with me. I just want a court ordered child custody agreement and the proper child support that he has to legally pay. I want all of the bull to end and I want him to stop lying and be a man. He made the choice to walk away from our marriage and now he should be happy with her. Apparently that is not the case. I spent almost half of my life with this man and I thought I new him. I was wrong I don't know who he is anymore. I think that he loves his kids but is not able to put their best interests ahead of his own selfishness. That is so sad. He was having the kids a lot, there was no need to do what he has done. I love my kids and I have always been the main parent in their lives even when we were married. I looked after everything for all of them including him. I am so sad that it has come down to this. I will not back down and no matter what happens I know in my heart that I am the best Mom I can be and that I will fight for my kids no matter what. Sorry this got so long...
Thanks for listening,
Kel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2005
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 11:57pm
Good luck tomorrow. I am still waiting on my cour date so I can't give you any advice. I just wantd to say that I hope everything goes your way.

 

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Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 6:19am

Good Luck! Let us know how it goes today!

*hugs*

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 8:32am

Good luck, Kel..... and ya know... your kids know that you are the best!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 9:20am

Welcome!

I will pray for you and your children.

I am so sorry your stbx has joined the legions of the selfish and self-absorbed. They inflict incredible pain and loss on those who love(d) them.

I hope your court date goes very well for you and your children. I hope your lawyer gives you confidence and serves you and your children well.

I admire your courage!

Stay around the board and let us know how it does go. There is lots of support here!

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2007
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 9:22am

Kelli,

I'm sorry that things are so bad right now.

My name is Laurene, my divorce was finalized 2 weeks ago. I too was married young, 19, and spent 23 years with a man who I thought I knew too! As you, I was very, very wrong!!

On the issue of your first court date, yes, it is overwhelming!! But, have faith and trust in your atty. Present yourself to the court as a very concerned mother, who is trying to do what it best for your children, and yourself. If your stbx is as bad as you say he is, and no, I'm NOT doubting you on this, his true colors will come out in court. It took 8 months for this to happen with me, but at the very last hearing, my x blew up, and the vindication that I finally got, in front of our atty's, the judge, the court reporter, and the entire courtroom, was in the end, worth it!!

As for the issue of visitations, and support for the kids, here in MI we call if Friend of the Court, they will make the final decisions on this issue. It may require another hearing, just with them, this is what happened to me. I wrote FOC a letter, explaining why I had taken out a PPO on my x. I explained the mental and emotional abuse that I had received over the years. I also explained to them how it was affecting my kids. My SO suggested that I put together a dossier on each of my children. Their backgrounds, their likes/dislikes, everything about them. This made "brownie points" for me, when it came to setting up visitations, he got physical custody, as I cannot work due to disability. Explain to this area of the court, everything that has happened between your stbx and your kids. They won't take kindly to his actions, believe me!!

I know it's tough right now. The best advice that I can give you is not to bash your stbx in front of your kids. No matter what is going on, no matter how bad it gets. This is soooo hard, believe me!! But, I have faith in my boys that sooner or later, they will see exactly what their father is. As for your 12y/o wanting to live with his father, that will have to be up to the court. They will do what is best for your kids. Give them that much, and you'll see good results.

Hang in there!! Good Luck, let us know how things go!!

Laurene

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2006
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 9:41am
Thank- you for your support! I am so nervous but I know that I am doing what I have to do. My children will someday know the terrible things that their father has done. However for now I try to shelter them from it all. But with that their father is constantly telling them things that he shouldn't. I even asked my lawyer for a court order to prevent my ex from discussung the legal matters with the kids. It is hurtfull to me that I ahev to go to such lengths to protect my children. In the yes of the kids Daddy is wonderful an he loves them. I really would like my kids to hold onto these feelings. I would not try to come in between my children and their father. I wish that he would show me the same respect but he doesn't. I have top believe that someday the kids will thank me for not bad mouthing their Dad and for not sticking them in the middle of our adult problems. I know I have done the right thing. The actions of my ex have led us to this point in our lives. He needs to be held accountable for the choices he has made and be made to support his children financially. I will let you know how it goes. I am so thank-full for this board eveyone seems so kind and supportive. Maybe my experience will help someone else...you never know. Lord knows I have made many mistakes in my dealings with the ex and I would do much of it differently.
Thanks again,
Kel
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2006
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 9:43am
Thanks so much for your support and best of luck to you as well. Sometimes life just doesn't work out as we had planned! I will keep you posted..hopefully with some good news!
Kel
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2006
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 9:44am
Thanks Julie. I will post tonight and let everyone know how it goes!
Take care,
Kelli
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2006
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 9:49am
Thanks for your support and I agree with you about the kids. Their Dad will have to clean up his mess as you said. At least I know that in my home we do not discuss legal proceedings or back talk the kids father (although at times when they are gushing about how wonderful he is I have to literally bite my tongue!). My parents divorced when I was very young and my brother and I are now adults stuck in the middle. It was horrible as children being in the middle. My Mom talked very poorly of my father and we rarely saw him. I have chosen not to repeat her mistakes with my own children. However my ex knows of my childhood and has used it to his advantage...good grief!
Anyway I am glad to have found this board...thanks so much!
I will let you know tonight how it went..
Take care,
Kel
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2006
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 9:55am
Laurene thanks so much for your support. I am a nervous wreck and replying to these posts this morning is keeping me sane! Lol. As you had indicated it is not good to bash the ex in front of the kids. I can honestly say that I have created an environment in my home for the kids to be free to discuss their Dad and what they did on their visits etc.. It is hard and except for one slip of the tongue I have never bashed the kids Dad to them, or the bimbo he is shacked up with. The last one is hard as I do not agree with a 22 yr old being allowed to help raise my children. I have known this girl since she was 16 and would never have allowed her to babysit let alone help raies my kids. I will keep doing what I feel is best for the kids and hope that in the eyes of the court they see that as well. Thanks for your advice. I am sorry for your hard times as well. Sounds like you have somone supportive in your life which helps a lot. I will post tonight and let you all know what happened.
Thanks again,
Kel

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