First court date tomorrow; need strength
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First court date tomorrow; need strength
| Mon, 04-25-2005 - 1:17pm |
I am praying to God I will make it through the night and I am trying to find the courage to face him in court tomorrow for the very first time for our provisional hearing. This is the hearing that will determine temporary residence, custody, and support, etc. It does not help to think that the last time we ever appeared in a courthouse together we were getting our marriage license. Our 8 year anniversary will be next month. I am still so sad, wishing he would have stayed and tried to work things out. But I have realized through his actions of anger that he is NOT the same person I fell in love with and hasn't been for a long time. I have let his passive-aggressiveness affect my self-esteem and contribute to my depression for far too long. The day he moved out (abruptly and unexpectly) I was scared that a part of me felt some sense of relief. I still think that I will break down tomorrow. I am sorry that I hurt him and I do still love him. I have to keep telling myself that it is the idea of the the relationship we could have/should have had that I miss and not actually him. I actually feel less lonely now that he is gone, if that makes any sense. How do I prevent myself from breaking down? He knows I am sad, and it only gives him pleasure. He feels I deserve to be left. A part of me wants him not to see this side so he does not feel this pleasure. Another part wants him to know that I do still love him, so he knows that I do feel remorse and he knows he has truly lost love, and not just a maid and nanny for his children. How do I keep it together? Any BTDT advice? I wish I had a hand to hold the entire time to prevent me from losing it.

Hi Rose,
Karen ~ wildlucky4me
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~