First Holiday after divorce

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2000
First Holiday after divorce
3
Thu, 12-06-2012 - 4:18am

So, this is going to be my first Christmas alone, and by alone, I mean truely ALONE.  My little one is flying to spend a week with his dad as soon as school gets out for the break and will be there for Christmas, while my older one has promised his cousin he'd spend the week with her.  Seems my 18-year-old son can't say no to his two 13-year-old cousins and is wrapped around their little fingers, lol.  I'm going to be home, alone, and working.  Yeah.  This is also the first Christmas without my mother, who died in February, so along with the kids being gone, working, and turning 40 in about 2 weeks, I'll be missing my mother like crazy.  (Actually, I already am)  Oh, and I have 4 cats.  Yes, 4. Cats.  You could say I'm feeling a wee little sorry for myself, and actually, it's more like I'm a huge blubbering mess of craziness right now, with insane hormonal things going on.  

I won't make it sound too horrible, because in reality, I have made a lot of friends who are great, get out frequently, enjoy a very close, loving relationship with my sons, as well as my extended family, and I've even been seeing someone for quit a bit of time, though it's nothing serious.  I spent Thanksgiving at home with my kids, my girlfriend and her family, and a couple of other friends, as well.  I make decent money, and I'm starting to actually catch up on my bills and will soon be able to start making some home repairs that are desparately needed now that I'm getting child support, and, as some oh, so sensitive man put it, I'm not fat or ugly.  That being said, this is really HARD.  I decided that since I no longer have to compromise on what I want, I'd make myself happy, so I bought a big, real Christmas tree and a bunch of new ornaments, as well as an adorable wreath for the front door.  If I have to be alone on Christmas morning, at least I get to enjoy my darn tree.  I know there are tons of people who have it worse, but, seriously, HOW do you get through Christmas without your kids, family, etc?  I'm taking a week off after Christmas, so I'll get to be with all the kids and my sisters for New Years, and that's got to be my focus, I guess.  But OMG, this really sucks.  

OK, I'm done.  No more "poor me" stuff.  If any of you have advice on how to make it suck less, I'll be quite happy to hear it.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2012
Tue, 01-01-2013 - 7:25pm

Hi MC,

I have been away from the boards a bit since the upgrade. Things didn't seem to be working properly and it was frustrating. I have thought about you and wondered how you were doing.

I too, had my first holiday alone. Family and friends were insisting on me coming out to all the regular parties, etc but I just didn't want to do all the "normal" things and listen to everyone asking "what happened?" over and over again - since I don't really have that answer. I chose to go to one family party that I don't normally attend, spend some time with my grandma who's in the hospital, and make myself lovely meals on Christmas and New Years. I also spent New Years thinking about a hopeful future and writing a little about what I wanted that to be. I even toasted at midnight because, darn it, I will not let my rotten ex ruin another holiday for me!!

Although a little sad at times, my holidays were quite enjoyable. I hope you found some joy in yours too.

I get you on the cats. I have one currently and she is really good company and makes me smile often, purrs so loudly when I get home from work - I just don't want to become that crazy cat lady on the corner!! I have faith that that won't be me, or you either!

When it comes down to it, holidays are just another day to get through right now. I know that this feeling is very temporary and that next year I will be in a much better place with or without someone. I spent today, Jan. 1, going over my separation agreement. I could think of it two ways. I could be saying, poor me, I'm getting divorced and spending my New years reading over divorce papers..etc. but I prefer to think , yah, me, I did what was best for me and let's start this new year by getting things going, finalized, and on to a better and happier life. I read them over with champagne in hand!

It's not easy but I have to believe it gets better. Hope you made it through ok.

Now just for Valentines day, UGH!!!!!!! :)

Libby

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 12-06-2012 - 3:23pm

I have never had Christmas w/o my kids but I will be missing one of them this year for the first time--my Dd, who like you is a nurse.  She moved out of state and she got a week off at Thanksgiving so she doesn't get Christmas off.  I feel bad for her being alone.  I hope her roommates are around.  I would say it's probably better that  you're working so you'll be busy & feel (hopefully) like you are performing an important service, which you are.  I hope you're not too sad--and just focus on the time after Christmas that you can spend w/ your kids.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Thu, 12-06-2012 - 10:02am

HI there,  Here is a suggestion for you for your first Christmas alone:  Can you afford a night or two at a nice spa or resort near where you live?  Pamper yourself!   If I had had the cash at that time that is what I would have done.  In years past, before I was married, I would always take a trip with a friend around the holidays.   Maybe if you create a different tradition for yourself at Christmas it will be something you can look forward to in the future.  Make the best of your alone time, go out to a fancy breakfast, take a hike at a park or volunteer at a shelter or any other charity that makes you feel good. 

 For  myself, I spent the time with friends at Christmas. My family lived far away at the time.    I also have two dogs who were/are fabulous little creatures who love to be walked and gave me something to love and take care of. :)

When you start feeling down spin your thoughts to realize that this time is a blank slate, a new beginning and you can create any experience you put your mind to.  It may be different but it doesn't have to be bad!

Merry Christmas to you!!!

Ollie