First Meeting With Divorce Atty Tomorrow

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2006
First Meeting With Divorce Atty Tomorrow
4
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 9:07pm

Okay...I'm scared and excited all at the same time. I scheduled an appointment to meet with a divorce attorney tomorrow morning at 11:30. It's the first step towards a new and happier life. I'm sad in a way but at the same time, I keep hearing him say none of this is HIS fault and he's innocent in the demise of the whole marriage and it is keeping me focused. This coming from the man who lied to me about the number of times he'd been married, number of children he has, going to a swingers bar the day before I took him to Vegas for his birthday, puts everyone before me and just isn't a good person. I admit I wasn't perfect but I was always honest, devoted and tried to take care of his every need.

It's been a five-year process to get to this point, but I knew I would one day reach my limit and think "NO MORE". Today was that day. Along the way I've done a lot of self-analysis and realized my fear of leaving was I was afraid of the future ... being alone, not being able to make it financially, not finding someone to spend my life with and ending up alone. The truth of the matter is, I am alone. I don't have someone I'm spending my life with. I'm walking on eggshells and living in a cage because I can't be "me". He only wants me for what I can do for him...his laundry, clean, cook, take care of the bills, his kids from his four previous marriages, take care of his "urges" and be his verbal punching bag when he's in a bad mood. I want and deserve someone who wants me for who I am, not what I can do for them.




Edited 6/12/2006 9:26 pm ET by lonelyeyes
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 11:04pm

You sound as I did the day I left my marriage...just sick of it all (most of the things you listed) and ready to go onto bigger, better, happier and I DID!!!


CONGRATULATIONS


Stay strong and take care of you!!!

~~Susan~~


"Success is building a foundation with bricks

Susan

"Success is building a foundation wit

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 11:37pm

It is sad... but I can tell that you are ready for this step.


Good luck tomorrow.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 4:53pm

Lonely,

I could have written your exact words. The parallels are amazing. It took me about three years to reach my limit. I had a two-year exit plan that started in September 2003, and by Sept. 2005 I moved out. I had had enough. I have been in my own apartment since then. I miss my house, but I don't miss the prison I was living in, walking on eggshells around him, satisfying his "urges" (after awhile I couldn't even stand to see him without clothes on), etc. I was a bird in a guilded cage. We have two kids and they split time between the two of us, however, my son has decided to live with me full time because his father has verbally assaulted him and threatened to "kick his a**" one too many times. Our house is now on the market and hopefully will sell soon. I pretty much walked away from it all, but I know that one day I will have a home again. Also, he has done his best to poison our kids' minds that it's all my fault because he refuses to take any responsibility. My children have seen the way he has treated me and them, and they know exactly why I had to get out. My parents and friends are so happy for me and wished I had left several years ago, but then they knew I was not ready at that time.

The divorce process has been very ugly and he is extremly uncooperative with the attorneys and our mediator. It will be one year in July since he filed the papers (he did as a threat to scare me -- and his plan actually backfired). We have a telephone pre-trial conference on July 17, and I am hoping that this will be all over in the next couple months. I'm so tired... However, I have faith I will get through it! I would recommend joining some sort of divorce support group and also reaching out to your family and friends. You will definitely need it. I go to a women's support group and it has really helped me a great deal. I went to another one at a local church, but I didn't get much out of it because I needed a group that specializes in domestic violence.

Many times I asked myself, "Can I see myself growing old with this man?" And everytime the answer was no way. If anything, HE was making ME grow old well before my time. I too felt so alone and I figured I would rather take a risk and be by myself for awhile in the hopes of one day finding a real partner vs. staying in a hollow and depressing situation. It's a terrible feeling sharing a bed with someone every night and feeling so alone at the same time. Well, I have met someone very, very special. In fact, the doors started opening up right away to the dating world for me and it has been a very positive experience. Had I stayed in my marriage, I would still be floundering and wondering (and lonely). Now I am living and actually looking forward to the weekends again (I used to dread them when I knew we would be together). I took the risk for a new and happy life and I feel that there is a ways to go, BUT the future looks brighter to me than it certainly did a year ago, two years ago, and even five years ago.

It takes a great deal of strength and resolve to say no more and to leave, but I figure if I can do it anyone can do it -- and I was married for 21 years!

Good luck and keep us posted.

Keep your chin up,
Belinda

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2006
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 7:00pm

Zinnia,

Thanks for the feedback. I keep trying to remember I'm not the first person to have gone through something like this. In fact, my situation is very minimal as I refused to have children with him and have intentionally kept from acquiring any joint property. I've been looking into divorce support groups but the topics they include really don't seem to apply to me. The women's support groups sounds great. How did you go about finding one?

I hope all works out for you. It sounds like you are doing good...I can hear strength through your words and hope I too will reach that point.