First Step- How Do I Do It?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2007
First Step- How Do I Do It?
3
Sun, 06-03-2007 - 11:27am

HI,

I am new to this board, but I have been reading the posts and I really need some advice.
I am basically done with my marriage. My husband is a jacka$$ and we have been married almost 7 years. I have 2 kids, 5 and 2.
I need advice on the first step. I guess I am waiting for a major blowout or to find out he is cheating- ya know- something easy? But it never happens. We have fights, but I am a peace keeper for the kids sake and I always seem to diffuse it. When we had a fight last weekend- he almost fainted- no kidding- I almost had to catch him before he landed on the floor. He called me an "arrogant B****" and I shoved him. He kept saying, "You hit me- you abused me" If we start the divorice road he will be evil and vindictive. We have a business together and a ton of debt.
The kids love him, but I don't anymore.
I am afraid of that first step. I am afraid of him using the kids against me. I am afraid of having no money. I have a fabulous family who will take us in if need be, but the house is in my name so I am not worried.
Its a long story how I got to this point in my marriage, but we are two totally different people who have fundamental differences in our beliefs on everything- he is a taker and I try very hard not to be. Thats how I lasted in this marriage so long.
He tried to walk out the door last weekend and said, "remember- this is all your fault". He never ended up leaving but I see how he is going to be.
How do I take that first step? How do I weed through the muck and start being happy again??

Thanks so much for reading this.....

L

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2005
Sun, 06-03-2007 - 1:58pm

I was in your position when I was 7 years into my marriage. I had two little ones (2 and 4) and I was so afraid - afraid of not having money, afraid of being alone, afraid of hurting my children, afraid of my husband's anger and hostility if I left him. So I stayed in the marriage. And I was miserable. I tried so many things to make me happy. I went back to school (so now I can support myself at least) I poured all my time and energy into my kids and work, I focused on the next big goal - travel, home projects, anything to keep from thinking about my marriage.

Now, it's 13 years later. My kids are almost grown, and I'm so tired of putting on an act. I just can't do it anymore. We are finally getting the divorce that I've wanted for so long. I feel so relieved and free, but at the same time I wish I could have the last 13 years back. Yes, it's much easier now that my kids are older and I can make enough money to support myself. But I really wish I was starting over at 31 instead of 44.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 3:26pm

Welllll.... you might just try the approach of asking him


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 9:01pm
My situation is so close to yours. I have been married for just over 5 years with a 1yo and a 3yo. I haven't been happy for years, and after 3 yrs of counseling, I am done. I have tried, but I can't spend the next 30plus years being miserable and my mom says she would rather see me have my whole life ahead of me. I am not afraid of being alone anymore and know that I will figure out the financial part. The only thing I am afraid of is how angry he is going to be. I wish you the best, and keep your fingers crossed for me.