Forgive or Stay Mad and Hurt?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
Forgive or Stay Mad and Hurt?
20
Thu, 06-12-2008 - 6:59am

All,


I am wondering about how all of you are doing with regard to forgiveness. We hear so much about being spiritual, and letting go. But on the other hand there is

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 06-12-2008 - 11:12am

I can't look at this w/ the perspective of what I'm going through now cause STBX is still in the house irritating me, but I'm far enough away from my 1st div, which was about 11-12 yrs ago.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2008
Thu, 06-12-2008 - 12:11pm

I can soooo relate to what you're feeling right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
Thu, 06-12-2008 - 5:32pm

Stacy, wow. I can't imagine the second blow of her moving to your town. You say old girlfriend, when were they together? Before you two? Did they get together during?


What a selfish bastard. What are your children going to think? That he wanted to trade families? Unbelievable insensitivity, I must say, and I don't blame you for nixing your feelings towards forgiveness. This is unforgiveable.


How big is your town? Are you going to bump into them? My STBX decided it was best for our son to move about 1/2 mile away, rented an apartment. I love our little town and this may just about ruin it for me, time will tell. My mother still lives in fear of running into my dad and stepmother and has stopped going to her church, any of the same restaurants, etc.


I don't think I could handle what you are going through -- I mean if I had to, I would try to be strong for my DS. I am planning on this thing being a phased process; first the separation, then the final divorce coming through in a few months, and then word of him with a new girlfriend, followed by his next marriage and babies, etc.


Maybe it is best for you that you know up front not to hold on to any thoughts of him coming back? You'll move on quicker? I hope so. I sometimes have thoughts that my STBX will have second thoughts and come crawling back to me, which he won't, I can just tell.


Good luck in your healing. You nailed it when you said it takes trust to have a friendship. That is right on!!! He doesn't deserve your friendship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2008
Thu, 06-12-2008 - 6:26pm

Actually, I live in a pretty large city --- have lived here all my life -- so at times it seems like a small town! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 06-13-2008 - 12:02pm

Are your children really reacting to this or are you putting your emotions onto them?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Fri, 06-13-2008 - 12:56pm

BP,


Forgiveness is a great thing. It frees us from the belief we can actually change someone else. However, forgiveness isn't like instant pudding. You have to give it time and come to a place where YOU are ready to forgive.


It also helps to remember that in forgiving someone for something; we don't change the other person, or what they did, or how they hurt us. Forgiveness is also meant for YOU, not the other person.


My suggestion is you get through the rough road of divorce, get back on your feet and then think about friendship and forgiveness. I encourage you to seek personal counseling if needed.


Good luck!

CL-Wisdomtooth2020


Some commonly misspelled words on this board:


You're = contraction of "you are"; You're going away?

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2008
Fri, 06-13-2008 - 3:24pm

musiclover -


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 06-13-2008 - 3:49pm

Stacy,


I'm sorry for being so blunt, that is one of my faults.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2007
Sun, 06-15-2008 - 12:56pm
...yes, that should make it better...if your children like her and her children, it will be far less of a traumatic event...






















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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2008
Sun, 06-15-2008 - 9:30pm

I'm thinking I don't need to be posting on this board anymore, because I'm frankly bothered by the repeated assertions of how, if my children like the OW and her kids, things will be okay.

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