Forgiveness process
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Forgiveness process
| Mon, 09-12-2005 - 1:13pm |
Hi all...
Lately I have been thinking that I need to really work on forgiving the ex so that I can totally move on past the hurt/pain/betrayal/bitterness of the divorce. I so much wish to not have angry thoughts. Resentment only hurts me.
Are there specific actions that ya'll have taken that have allowed you to fully forgive? I can't forget or condone, but I don't want to be controlled by the past anymore.
Cupcake

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Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
I have had a very difficult time with this process. I think I have forgiven ex and then it all comes crashing down again. It almost seems to be something I have to choose to do every day -- an echo of Dr. Phil. I have been using a book called "The Art of Forgiveness" but I have no clue what the author's name is. He is a Buddist monk and he offers some thoughts and meditations you can use to work through feelings and issues. I have used it several times to repeat the thoughts in my head so that I can really feel like I am on the right track. It doesn't always work, but some success is better than none. When all else fails, I pray like you wouldn't believe.
neverdull
Thank you for what you wrote. I've printed it for re-reading. I do feel like I am only poisoning myself with these negative thoughts. He doesn't care one flip what I think, never did! So the forgiveness is of my creating for my own peace of mind.
And I LOVE having choices.
Cupcake
I agree, it does come in waves. I'll check out that book.
I hope if I continue to make the effort, the feelings will eventually get there.
Praying is good!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
I have come to the realization that the person you need to forgive is YOU. there are things that people do to us that we can't forgive. and sometimes there are things that we SHOULDN'T forgive. I know that there is this Christian concept of forgiving - but i just don't buy it. the trick is, of course, not to let your anger and hurt take over your life, which is what happens a lot of times.
THis is what worked for me:
first, i did go to therapy and that helped me to focus and to get over the guilt.
second, I was angry at my ex for things that he did, but when i got down to it i realized that this is who he is, and there is nothing i can do about it.
You know, i want to forgive & forget. It would make ALL of our lives so much easier. I of course, sure cant forget yet, b/c its not DONE.
Sophie
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