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| Fri, 04-01-2005 - 12:44am |
I wanted to ask something. What do some of you do when you desperately want to leave a marriage situation but can't? Currently I am a SAHM who hasn't worked in a permanent job for a while. I am going back to school, but the learning will take up to three years. I am also looking for a job at the moment. But my question is: are there a lot of you out there who have wanted to leave a situation but couldn't for a while? How did you guys handle that? I figure that I will stay out of his way and look for a job, try to save up for a while. I also realized today how much of myself I'm repressing. If it were up to me, I'd have two parakeets, two dogs a house full of live creatures, (turtles, fish,etc.) lots of plants, etc. and so on. There is a huge part of me that is not expressed in my house because I don't want to deal with him. Also, I want to buy things for the house and I keep having to stop myself because he"ll say, not now and stuff like that. When I'm on my own with the kids, even if I had a spare $5, I'm thinking at least I could spend it as I see fit. What do you all think of that? Please tell me your experiences on how it felt to wait till you get a divorce (like one, two years), and did any of you feel that you repressed yourself thru your home, because you didn't want to deal with your hubby? I'm sorry I've been posting here a lot, but I find that's it's so refreshing to get it all out after repressing it for so long. tia

well, if you ask me, the question is what is "REALLY" wrong with your marriage, and is it something that is "fixable". sometimes people are in a bad relationship/marriage and they get out of the relationship and go into another one that is just as destructive, and on and on (ask me how i know!), without really dealing with the REAL ISSUES. so - before you consider divorce, then ask yourself if *this* can be fixed. and sometimes you need to fix YOU ---- even if you end up getting divorced anyway.
living with someone you hate, detest, can't stand, don't love, etc is very very hard, if you ask me its even more difficult than just being in a bad marriage - because when you KNOW that you are leaving "eventually" - it just makes it harder to stay one more day, let alone a few years.
but what you are describing sounds like there are alot of bad habits going on between you, and i wonder if anything can be fixed. when i say "fixed" i mean both of you accepting the responsibility for your lives and going to therapy. for example, if you are living with him in the same house, and YOU want to have pets and HE doesnt - then unless he has some weird allergies - you should be able to COMPROMISE and figure out a way that will be fine for everyone. you are not doing anyone any favors by constantly repressing how you feel (and believe me i know EXACTLY what you are talking about - BTDT).
before i made the decision to divorce - i tried to work on the marriage and then, when my ex decided that *he* doesn't need to continue going to therapy because *he* doesn't have any issues..... i continued working on *me* and *my* issues.
i apologize - i had no intention of attacking you or judging you and i am sorry if that's how it seemed to you.
Hello,
I am somewhat in your same boat. Except, I have alot of debt becuase of credit put in my name.
Good luck , I feel for you