Found out Sunday Hubby wants to divorce

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2006
Found out Sunday Hubby wants to divorce
5
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 9:41pm

Hello, I am new here. I am 28 and I have been married for 3 years. Our aniversary would be August 17 and would have made 4 years. My husband had been acting really strange for months, he was going out and not calling and staying out really late. Whebn he was home just kind of ignored me and it was reallyh starting to get to me. We had been planning for me to stop taking my BC pills in the next 3-4 months and start trying to have children, so I thought maybe he was just stresseed about that and his new Job. But this sunday first thing in the morning he tells me he has been thinking and he has decided he doesn't really want to have children ever. I really want to have children. So he tells me that he has decided to "let" me divorce him so that Ican go out and find some one new.

I am really confused because I really thought if he told me he didn't want to be married to me anymore I would be really angry. I am sad that it is really going to be over, but I really feel very sorry for him. He has two children from a previous marriage and I don't think he even wanted them. I do feel like I have wasted this time, but I am glad he decided to tell me. I am really scared about soon being totaly on my own. He is still staying in our apartment for the week, this weekend he will find a new place and start moving out. I am just very confused, I never thought he didn't want to have children, he always acted like he did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2003
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 1:28pm
This sounds like the standard line of someone who is having an Affair and wants you to take action so he can say you wanted the divorce. I'm sorry - you are young and can find someone who will love you and will love to have children with you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2004
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 4:55pm
unfortunately, i agree with the second poster. it was my immediate thought. i'm sorry. i think maybe counselling would help you a lot right now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2006
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 5:04pm
I dont know.... I think that maybe something could be going on in his head... Did something in his life drastically change?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 8:27pm

Dear Blue Orchid,

I read your post, and your story is very close to mine:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlsmartdivor&msg=16872.1&ctx=128

I am 37 days into my ordeal. We too were planning on going off the pill and that's exactly when he started to act different, that's also when I now found out he began to have an affair.

I will say this becasue I too felt sorry for my ex: Do NOT feel sorry for him. He is making his own decisions and if you feel sorry for him you are making excuses for his behavior. This is probably the first time in your life when you can take care of YOURSELF instead of him. It's iompossible for you to accept right now, but you CAN have a healthy relationship, but first you need to have it with yourself.

Stay on the boards, it will help.

Beanie

Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 8:42pm

Hey there...

It is certainly a confusing time and you have every right to be confused... each and every one of the possibilities the other posters have pointed out could be what is going on with your stbx, but... he is a "big boy" making his own decisions, so do not feel sorry for him...

I can say that it is good that he is coming to this realization before there are (anymore) children involved... children are always the innocent ones in divorce and while they're resilent, it isn't the easiest of times for them either...

I would recommend speaking with a counselor... if that isn't an option, perhaps you could speak with your pastor... just so you can begin working through all of this and start on the road through it all... you may never have all the answers, but you can get through it... just take it one step at a time...

Good Luck and keep us posted!

*hugs*

Julie