Four days down.......

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Four days down.......
3
Sun, 05-14-2006 - 7:25pm
Four days down and many more to go. I filed for divorce on Thursday. They finally served him last night after him playing a little game of hide and go seek. I retained the attorney a week and a half ago. However, I had him wait until Thursday and I'm glad I did. I had time to go through a few loops on the roller coaster before actually getting on. I'm doing pretty good, only misted up a couple of times. I can't really get emotional because of the kids. I finally had to file because my older two boys are from a previous marriage. They were both under the age of two when we married. We then had two more children. For years I have sensed a difference in his treatment. He is a very passive aggressive controlling person. On the outside he is very kind and charismatic but underneath he has to control everything. I knew in my gut if I were to pass away or divorce him he wouldn't keep the older two. I didn't want to believe it but, now four days and his only phone calls have been to talk to the younger two. Not me or the older two children. I had hoped in some part that he would see the issues and want to start counseling. Nope. This marriage is over. I'm in our new house with four children and thinking "What's next?". We have our first court date next Monday, for temporary custody. I'm going for sole custody, retain the house and so on. I do wish I was wrong about him. I feel like the past eight years have almost been wasted. I'm mad that it is ending yet, I'm the one ending it. I'm a little nervous about single moming four children. But, I left my first husband with no car, money or home and we did fine. I KNOW I can do it. It's just getting started. I have a good job. The house (hopefully) and a pretty new van and jeep. I know I am far better off than most women going through this. I just feel at times that because I am ok that maybe I shouldn't have filed. That he never hit us, verbally cursed us, gamble away our savings or even dive into internet porn. Why divorce him? Because I could see him hurting my boys by putting a wall between the older two and the younger one. Because I had a gut feeling that "something" just wasn't quite right. Because I was the third wheel in our marriage - him+mom. The past four days have been ok. Nerve wracking while they were trying to find him (a friend told him I had filed). Fearful that he would take the younger two and run. I took all four to a counselor Thursday and he told me how to break it to them. They have all four taken it pretty well. The younger two have cried a couple of times about missing daddy. I have let them talk to him on the phone and otherwise they are doing well. We started eating dinner together and they really like that. The eldest has tried to push his boundaries already. I put a quick stop to that yesterday telling him that just because dad isn't here anymore give him free reign to do whatever he wants. It was better today. I'm nervous about how this is going to play out. More than likely it will be a nasty fight over the kids and assets. I'm starting counseling myself, tomorrow is my first appointment. Sorry if I have been rambling. I have some good friends and my dad but they don't want to hear everything and I don't want to burden them. I'm just taking the first steps to a new life and I'm not sure what to expect and what will be.
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 11:09am

Hey there... ya know, that's the thing about emotional abuse.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 7:41am

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 8:47am

The sad thing is... I even tried to "excuse" his affairs, trying to figure out how they were my fault.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~