Friends through & after divorce
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Friends through & after divorce
| Tue, 01-24-2006 - 5:56pm |
Anyone else go through or going through a very civil divorce? We both know that it's the right thing to do and we still talk almost every day. We both realize that we just aren't in love anymore. We get along great and will probably always been good friends. But other people (ie: mutual friends) have a very hard time with this. They assume that divorce means we have to hate eachother, so they don't know how to react. It's quite frustrating. Just wanted to see if there is anyone else in my boat around here? :-)

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Well, I would not say that STBX and I are still friends, but we are extremely civil. We have two adorable children and we are very focused on putting their needs first. For us that means that Mommy and Daddy must respect and support each other as our children's other parent and we communicate daily even though mostly talk about the kids.
How long has it been since you told friends and family? Some of ours didn't know how to react at first but after a couple months or so they adjusted to the notion that our divorce is different from others they've observed. I can't speak for STBX, but my relationships with friends and family have gotten better with time. Thankfully the unsolicited advice (like how I'm being too nice and I'm going to get screwed) and details about STBX's life (like where he was and with whom) have stopped.
Assuming you are not considering reconciliation, please do think about whether or not you are cutting enough emotional ties to STBX so that you can both live happy lives separately.
I hope things get better for you.
Weird as it is..... I do get along with my EX and can be very friendly with him.... it's just easier that way!
But you're right, most people just can't relate to it, so a simple "we get along much better with some distance between us" is all you need to say.... especially when it's good for the kids :-)
Karen ~ wildlucky4me
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
My ex and I have a very civil relationship. It wasn't that way in the beginning, but it is so much easier to get things done when you aren't always fighting and picking ont he other parent. I know what triggers me to get mad at him and I avoid those topics like the plague.
As far as others saying it isn't normal or you should hate each other, htat is simply not true and I tell people that. I am clear with them that if they want to hate him that is their issue, but we have a dd to raise together so we need to get along. I have a co-workerwho has been in a custody/child support battle for hte entire 13 years since she has been divorced. I will not do that to my child, and I will tell others exactly why I am not going to hate her father. Maybe if more people see "good examples" of divorced couples we won't have to listen to idiot comments about hating ex spouses.
For those of you that have a civil divorce you are blessed. I only wish that I could have that with my ex. He HATES ME. That bothers me very much but I cant do anything about it. Our son is such a wonderful boy, he's 3 and my ex has missed so much, it hurts me. My ex has alot of growing to do and I can only pray that he will grow up and take the time to take responsibility for his actions which made his life the way it is now. He blames me for all that went wrong in his life and it really hurts. I loved him with all my heart completely and it took me almost two years to get over what happened. He is still very very bitter. People say he's so mean and nasty because he does care for me but I dont buy it.
During one of our mediation sessions when trying to agree on a visitation schedule for our son she spoke to us individually and I was eavesdropping a bit I admit, I heard him tell the mediator that this may sound bad but if she got hit by a bus I wouldnt even stop to help her. My God, that hurt me so much. Over 5 years together, a beautiful son, HE cheated on my three times, I forgave him, gave him another chance each time and that is what he told the mediator. It's such a shame. I finally had enough and kicked him out and got a temporary restraining order, he acted as though my doing that was the worst sin of the world and was unforgivable.
There's nothing I can do about it. This is what it's come too.
Good luck to all of you.