Frustrated with the courts

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2011
Frustrated with the courts
Sun, 08-21-2011 - 9:41am

I am very frustrated not only with how slow the court process moves, but

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 08-21-2011 - 11:05am

I feel bad for you having to go through all this and I really hope that in the end, things go your way.

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Mon, 08-22-2011 - 10:37am


Hi. You would do well to get a second opinion from another divorce attorney about your process. It is prudent to get another pair of eyes on your situation and see if someone else could do better.

Also, court dates are not generally arranged at the convenience of the person seeking redress. Very often court dates are set per the schedule of the judge and sometimes the representing attorney(s). Judges are no different from other professionals in that they sometimes group certain types of cases on the same day or days to be more efficient with their time. Also, they must work around other cases they may be hearing. I know that doesn't help you move forward any quicker but it may help you to understand that court dates are not set to be annoying to those who need something done.

And, to ALL people facing the prospect of separation or divorce it is wise to assume the worst and seek legal advice BEFORE moving out or making verbal arrangements with a STBX. Way too often, as in your case, you will find that they have all ready taken steps and hired an attorney or filed paperwork. Again, I know this doesn't help you any at this point, but that's why I advise getting a second opinion on your situation.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Mon, 08-22-2011 - 11:47am

My heart breaks for you and your situation but I agree with Wisdom ...

When I left my stbx years ago because he was verbally abusive my attorney told me to move back into the marital home.because of the same exact thing you are going through right now.

I know it was not a great idea considering the verbal and mental abuse I endured but I went back to live with ex in marital home to wait out the divorce and property and assets settlement... Not something I would recommend but I would have lost alot..and i needed that settlement. Ex was already having his new gfriend live there on and off so my attorney read him the riot act and told him to get rid of gfriend in house and that his stbx wife who's name was on deed was coming back to live there. I had been out for almost two years and I went back..

I went back armed with education, knowledge, power and court documents so ex was on full notice. If he touched a hair on my head he would be arrested or fired from him job.. So we cohabitated for over a year and then when all was said and done I left with the divorce and my assets in tact.

I would def. look into another attorney who might take you pro bona..

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Tue, 08-23-2011 - 3:07pm

<< I almost wish I had stayed with him just because it was easier to take the abuse than go through what I am going through now. >>

Herein lies the key to his motivation. If your H is anything like my W (and our circumstances match up pretty well), his insecurities have driven him to desire to control your 'love' toward him (evidenced by your regret for leaving) even though, logically, we all know that is not a satisfying form of 'love.'

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2011
Sat, 08-27-2011 - 10:46am

thank you all for your adive. @ Glenn, yes you are right about that. It's not love at all. The regret I feel though is for my kids. I know I was miserable living that life, and deep down I know things are better now for my kids actually. But I remember liiving there, working my butt off and somehow it seemed easier to live in that cycle than what I am in now.

The update is that my attorney is meeting with my appraiser and a real estate agent on monday. She is trying to prove the fraudulent appraisal he had done, and get an immediate motion for me to return to the home. I know that I have the option to move back in at any time, and he can do nothing about it. However, our last altercation was vioelnt and in front of the kids. It was before he filed, so I fear what may happen if I live there because he loathes me. The kids tell me he has a gun in the garage, and my daughter has said