Frustrated with My Friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Frustrated with My Friend
1
Sun, 05-20-2007 - 9:09am

I just don't get girls who drop everything including friends for their guy. I just cannot do that. Cannot comprehend it...no way.

My friend, R, who I have known since just before I married S (btw it was our 3 year anniversary Tuesday the 15th and we are separated) has always been a single mom. She never married the father. Her own fault on this part since she slept around so much and ruined chances for good relationships, she has never had a committed guy. And why would he? She sleeps with guys right off the bat!

She met two perfectly nice guys online. Both seemed to be very sweet and I liked them both alot for her. Each of them abruptly dropped her. She screws it up. I love her to death but she is just not good at this stuff then whines to me about how no one likes her. Well, in Dec she met a guy while we were out and flat out ignored me the whole time he was at our table. We were on a girl's night and it ended up being the two of them.....and me. I didn't even want to go to that club because I do not like that when I am not with S. We were still together at that time. I felt bad about being in a meat market without him. I was in a bad mood about it anyway so this just made matters worse. She never worried about tagging with us to places like that because she always ended up hooking up. We'd have to go hunting for her at the end of the night and a couple of times left without her because she was gone without a word.

I hate being a third wheel and she never learned apparently how to make her friend feel a part of things when she's with a guy. I know how. I do it well. In fact, I pay more attention to the friend than the guy most of the time. So now she is dating him and he lives an hour and 1/2 away...he's a pilot. He's nice enough and she did wait to sleep with him, but she seems to enjoy dropping me and our plans when he calls. Did it last weekend. NO word, no calls answered, just left me in the lurch.

She has mentioned wanting to get a place together, but she is not even stable enough to move across the street much less in with a friend and I know if this guy decides to have a serious thing with her, she'll move out on me probably in the middle of the night. Undependable. Like I said, she is as sweet as she can be, but very flaky. She's been there for me, but if she has a guy, then oh well....everyone else is dropped. Being someone who always made time for her, I feel bad. Now I'm the odd one out and it feels awful. She says she wants to get me hooked up with a friend of her bf's but I know that will never happen either. I'd love to meet one of them for a casual dinner sometime, but of course once things are straightened out at home. She just irritates me with this way she acts. Plus knowing how sexually frustrated I am right now that I am separated and S and I have not ruled out reconciliation or sex while deciding (although we have not had it yet) she talks "oh poor pitiful me, I have to wait 9 days til he's back from flying rich people all over" He's a plot who flys private jets for people and makes tons of money. She gripes that he's gone a lot but as soon as he gets in town she drops everyone, including her son on Mother's Day to see him and then yes, gets to have sex and acts like it's a tragedy that she had to wait so long. HELLO!!! Has she thought at all about how I feel here? Has she thought at all about the fact tath I do not want to know about her sex life right now? Isn't it a bit rude to cry over him being gone when at least she has someone and I am totally lonely?

~Mel~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2004
Sun, 05-20-2007 - 12:31pm
well she really sounds like a one way friend, when its convient for her she is there, but oh well to you when she has something else to do. You need to find a new friend that will stick by you and not just drop you when a man comes along. Lets face it men come and go but good close friends should be there forever through thick and thin... good luck to you, I know how you feel, I myself am alone now and I hate it. But most of my friends where our friends and its a bit akward, or they have there on families or boyfriends. So I also have to network new friends....Good luck, Kathy