In a Funk

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
In a Funk
4
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 12:48pm

I don't really know what my problem is. I have been in a pretty good place for awhile, but the last few days have really brought me down. We went to our first mediation session on Saturday and it was really difficult. STBX tells me he doesn't trust anything I say yet he is the one who has been lying, cheating, and flying off to see his "friend". It still boggles the mind that he doesn't call her his girlfriend.

I thought I was getting better and moving on, but it seems like everything is sending me backward. For example, I think I have posted before that he has been secretly seeing this girl and has been talking with her since before we split. It has been very hurtful to be lied to by someone I thought loved me. When he was caught in his own lies - mutal friend saw him in the D.C. airport with this girl -- he still lied. Now he is going to the town we used to live in together and I am sure he is going to meet her there. When I ask if she is going he just stops talking. I know it is none of my business, but if he ran into someone we know in DC I am sure he will run into someone we know in a town where we lived and worked for a number of years. I am overwhelmed by the anger and sadness I feel. I am horrified by the thought that someone I know will see him with her and know that I was left for another woman. I can hardly get through the day without wanting to scream and cry at the same time.

I want to tell him what an ass he is but it won't make any difference. I really want to tell this woman what I think of her, but I know that is an even worse idea. I hate them both soooo much and there is nothing I can do to get beyond the anger and hate right now. Any ideas or suggestions? I am sinking into a really deep funk and I don't think I can get out of it by myself.

Neverdull

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2005
In reply to: neverdull1
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 3:50pm
Dear Neverdull - you sound profoundly sad in your post. I'm not sure what to say to make you feel any better other than know that you are not alone. We have all had similar feelings of anger, humiliation and grief. Don't worry so much about someone seeing this horrible man with his 'friend'. No intelligent, compassionate person would ever judge you or use your grief as gossip for entertainment. Anyone who ever did such a horrid thing would be seen as evil as this man. Please try to think of what would make you so very proud of yourself that you would be bursting with pride to tell someone and then go do it. Focus all of your emotional energy on accomplishing this one fabulous task so that you have no energy at all to think of him. And by all means, keep all your i-friends on this message board posted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
In reply to: neverdull1
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 1:02am

You are not alone. I found out my husband had an online thing going on so I moved out a short time later. I moved out 3/11/05, 2 weeks ago he started seeing someone who lives in the same apartment complex we lived at and he works there. We used to take our kids swimming at the pool and both have walked around complex with dd. A lot of people there know me and who I am. I hate going there now, but have to everyday to drop dd off on my way to work. I feel like everyone knows that he has started seeing this other woman. Just hold your head high and know that he is only making himself look like an a$$. I just tell myself everyday that I know why I left and that is all that is really important. Those that know me well know that I left for good reason.

Hugs to you

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: neverdull1
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 9:29am
((((HUGS)))) Honey. I know it must be SO hard. But whats done is done. Let him wallow in his own lies, self pity, in hsi new stupid life. YOU are on YOUR way to your own freedom, a life with independance & respect from those who DESERVE you. Try to take a deep breath & start to focus on someone who deserves your focus ... YOU!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: neverdull1
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 1:11pm

hugs... i am sorry for your pain. all i can tell you is that some day it will stop hurting- that is a promise. it takes time, it is a process that you need to go thru - but it WILL happen.


in the meantime, you will have to start taking care of YOU. get yourself to a therapist - not a mediator, but some place where you can talk about how this is affectign YOU and how you can move on. make sure you eat and get enuf exercise and rest. at some point you may want to join a support group. take it one day at a time.


and post here as often as you need to. we are all here for you!