Furious

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2005
Furious
4
Tue, 04-05-2005 - 8:08pm
My STBX hasn't been home since the end of Jan when he went away to school. He informed me over the phone that he wanted to be free on FEB 20th. Nice right. Well That's not my complaint. He has been promising both kids that he would defiantely be in town for our sons 3 rd Birthday. He hasn't been home for any of his birthdays do to Army deployments. Well I call him to let him no that after bills he has $750 dollars for the month, now realize he is living in quarters for free so he only needs food and neccisties. Now he tells me this isn't enough for him to be able to come (8hour drive) for our sons birthday.
I cannot believe it. What a jerk. I can't believe he can't put the drinking and partying and eating out resteraunts aside to have the extra money to see his son turn three.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2005
In reply to: lostmom22
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 12:18am

Maybe you can meet him half way or come to him?

It sounds like your son is really counting on his father to be there. It would be terrible if he had to suffer such a big let down. You should mention to your son's father that making promises he can't keep to his own children is both wrong and harmful to the kids. If he isn't sure if he can (or wants to) make it to the party he should let them know it up front. That way if he doesn't come there are no hurt feelings, and if he does show up it is a big, happy surprise.

Please tell your son it is not his fault, and that his father really does care about him. I'm so sorry your boy has to go through this at such a tender age.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: lostmom22
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 9:45am

It's time for the reverse psychology drill.


My EX, at first, had every excuse in the book for not coming to visit, but once I started telling him how much HE was missing out on, and how much I was willing to take advantage of every opportunity that I could get with our fabulous kids.... he began to take another look at what I was so excited about... and what he was missing out on.


Make it about HIM.... and what HE's missing.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
In reply to: lostmom22
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 3:08pm

I understand you are angry... seing our kids disappointed is sad and ... well sad.

You can't force him. you can only let him be, let him know what he is missing (send him pics of how much fun the children had on the Bday party, with all your friends there for them!!!)... perhaps he will see all he is missing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2005
In reply to: lostmom22
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 3:41pm
Neither he or the kids know how furios I am about it. The kids don't even know he may not show up. As for him I have already learned to control myself when I ever I speak to him. He probably knows I am upset but their was no yelling or hurtful things said. As for trying to make him feel bad about what he is missing it's not worth the effort on my part because he is shutting all of us out it would be for naught.