future-hubby's ex still calls

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
future-hubby's ex still calls
6
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 1:35am

Hello, I know I have no business being in a divorce message board but I have a question and want someone's point of view.

My future hubby has been married before about 8 years ago and his ex wife (who happens to be married herself) once in a while calls him out of the blue to wish him happy birthday or to see what's up with him. I am not a very jealous person (or at least I try not to be or I wouldn't be writing this message-- ha ha), I just brush it off when he tells me that his ex called him to say hello and asks about his life (such as his love life).

So my question is, why is she still calling after all these years? Does she have the right? And won't she move on with her own life? I am all new to this getting married thing and I have never dated anyone who was been divorced before until now.

Much appreciated for your time!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 8:26am

If it is something as innocent as saying Happy Birthday or Hey how are ya, there shouldn't be a problem on your end.


If she is calling saying how miserable she is in her marriage and asking him for help with things around the house or trying to get him to come over and see her without you.... then you should worry.


Insecurity in a relationship can be a killer. My advice is to forget about it unless you have reason to worry. Just because she is his ex wife, is not reason to worry.


Hope this helps.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 12:44pm

I agree with butterfly.... consider it innocent unless you have good reason to think otherwise.


I say.... if they wanted to be married to each other, they would still be married.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 4:01pm

I agree with wild! Look at it this way, your future husband is telling you that she called so you know that you can trust him...he is being upfront with you and if there was anything to worry about, he would not tell you anything.

However, IMHO, she shouldn't be asking about his love life at all. Does he ask her about hers? I highly doubt that he cares.

Don't worry, OK?

Images hosted by photobucket.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 6:29pm

Hi

Sure she has the right to call. She was married to him afterall so at one point she loved him and probably still cares about him. Which is good I think. She already has moved on with her life- you mentioned she is remarried. As long as she isn't trying to get your fiance back then I wouldn't worry about it. And at least he is telling you that she called. He could have just kept it a secret from you. My ex boyfriend who I went out with in high school called me out of the blue a couple days ago to say hi and see how I was and he hasn't called me for almost 6 years! it was nice to hear from him. He is enagaged to someone and I've been married and now separated since I went out with him, and I'm dating someone else now. We all move on, it doesn't mean we have to completely cut those out of our life who were once part of our past.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 7:10pm

She seems to have moved on happily - she is married again, as you mention right? but I assume she spent some time with your fiancé, and perhaps thinks he is a good guy - perhaps not one she wants to live with, but a good one.

and as long as she phones kind wishes, why not? where is the harm? if they really still want each other, why would they have divorced?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 10:03am
I say you are lucky he is telling you the former wife is calling. At least you know what is going on and you aren't in the dark about it. My stbx failed to tell me he had been engaged before and then lied about talking to her on the phone at work. If he had told me up front, I don't think my trust in him would have been an issue. If you are in the loop and he is telling you what is going on, I think you should be happy he is honest with you and know that he is yours now.