The games people play
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| Fri, 02-02-2007 - 10:38am |
Just musing, journaling if you will, about my life. I'm in a bit of a calm before the storm. The silence is deafening. I think about all of the things STBX has said, threatened, etc. He stopped the madness, but my gut tells me he is still plotting and scheming. In two hours he'll be at my mom's house to pick up the kids. I hope he wasn't served with divorce papers just yet. I don't need my poor mom to have to listen to him rant. Hoping he'll get served next week.
Anyway, my rambling muses are about the games he's playing: Here are his reasons I should not divorce him:
I put her on a pedestal. I treated her like a queen.
I did everything for her while she did nothing.
If you leave me, we'll lose everything.
If you leave me, I will get custody of the kids.
I can prove you are lazy and irresponsible... I'll get the kids.
You aren't acting like yourself. You need therapy. You have a mental problem and you're not thinking straight.
I can't afford child support. I can barely afford my car payment... I have a suggestion, but I think it will make you mad (wants to take my car... revenge)
If you leave, I'll hunt you down and kill you.
I can't live without you, I'm going to kill myself.
My doctor said I was going to die if I didn't get help.
I followed her to work... her car wasn't there. Where was she??? (asking my mom)
If she files for divorce I won't sign the consent.
Anger, threats, guilt.... all games he's playing to scare me back to him.
He followed me to work. Like a moron, I allowed my lawyer to include my new address on the divorce complaint. Now he will know where I live. My gut tells me that's not a good thing. My gut never lies. My gut told me not to marry him in the first place. I ignored my gut. My gut once told me my job was on the line... I ignored it... and was laid off a few weeks later. My gut was right. My gut tells me he's plotting something... and that I need to be careful that he isn't following me to my apartment.
I pray... at the end of this agonizing 90 days... that he consents. Oh, how I wish he would consent. Why oh WHY does the state make you wait? Perhaps because he wouldn't consent right now. Maybe... after 90 days he will give in. Maybe.

I'd say:
How can I be a queen (you said you treated me like a queen), yet I'm lazy and irresponsible?
If you do everything, how do you have time to follow me to work? (And does the fact that you have a job account for "something" that you do?
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Thank you for pointing out something that I have underestimated over the last 10 years of my life----the idea of following your gut. Every lousy situation (including my marriage) that I have been in, are all a result of ignoring my gut instincts. Why do we always underestimate ourselves!!? We could save ourselves (and our children) so much heartache by simply listening to that little voice in the back of our minds.
Good luck to you with everything.........
If your gut is telling you to be careful - that he's plotting or following you - then PLEASE do be careful! I hope all goes well for you and that he signs as quickly as possible. Don't doubt yourself. I know I do all the time but almost every day he will say or do something to make me say "Yup, I'm doing the right thing."
Hang in there!
First, I LOVED Karen's response! Second, is this a theme with many of these men? They think being psycho, mean, and threatening is going to "force" us to come back? I swear, I heard the EXACT same things from my EX. Except the part about me doing nothing. He KNEW he did nothing.
I'd love to see him "prove" how lazy and irresponsible you are. Let him go in to court screaming about how you didn't wash the dishes enough, and that's why he should have custody. What a freak!