Gave him the papers

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Gave him the papers
7
Mon, 09-01-2008 - 8:36pm

I have had the divorce papers sitting around the house for a week and even though I have seen STBX a few times, I didn't get around to giving them to him til today. First of all, last weekend he was telling me about his bad health & actually started crying & had to leave, so I thought that was a bad time.


On Sat. he called me and said that he had bought a desk that he had to assemble and he needed some help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2008
Mon, 09-01-2008 - 10:40pm

Aww, I know it's bitter sweet Music, but I'm glad you have forward progress. Hang in there!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2003
Mon, 09-01-2008 - 11:09pm
Hey Musiclover, Do you mind me asking you a few questions about your house? I was curious as to when you refinanced? And now your going to sell it?? I am trying to get my stbx to refinance ours to get my name off the mortgage. We tried a couple of weeks ago and we cant because hes got too much debt. They mentioned that he may be able to refinance and not get any cash out but I wanted cash (my half of the equity). SO we didn't do it, we decided to pay down some of his debt over the next 3 months and try to do it again. Now hes been in an accident, (yeah new Harley) he is to have surgery tomorrow on his ankle he will be out of work for 2 months. He will still get paid but it wont be as much as usual and it will be much more difficult for us to pay off some of his debt. I really didn't want the responsibility or the burden of a house I could afford it on my own, but I wanted to move closer to work and out of this town. I have been having second thoughts, maybe I should keep it. I think maybe I would be better of to keep it, it would be helpful as far as taxes and maybe as part of the divorce I will get him to quick claim deed it to me and he will not have any further interest in it, and maybe I could sell it latter. I hate to refinance it now we only have about 10 years left on our mortgage, I'd hate to have to start over. I think he would just about let me have it, if he knew thats what I wanted (guilt can be a wonderful thing). What are your ideas?? Thanks! How did your stbx take the divorce papers?? Take Care ~Mary~
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 09-02-2008 - 1:10pm

Here's my situation--STBX only has one child (18) who doesn't live w/ him, while I have 2--a DD in college, plus a son going into 7th grade.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2003
Tue, 09-02-2008 - 11:51pm
Well we have a son who is 23, and has ADD. He only makes about $250 a week, hes perfectly satisfied with that. He will most likely remain satisfied living with one of us and not try to go back to school or train for a better job, more $$ and benefits. He doesn't make enough to live on his own. MY daughter will graduate from HS in 09. MY original plan was to move up to Gainesville FLa (GO GATORS) when my DD graduated and she was going to come with me and go to college up there. But I wanted to have my H refinance the house in his name and then we would split the equity once all the joint bills were paid. Well he doesn't make enough $$ so we decided to take the next 3 months and I told him I would suck it up and pay the joint CC (4,000) if he would work on paying off 3-4 of his cards. IT would leave him with a truck, and Harley payment and 2 major CC. So hopefully it will make his debt ratio come out better then we would try to refinance again in early Dec. Now Im having second thoughts and thinking it may be more beneficial for me to keep the house and not refinance, IM thinking he would just give it to me, hes so set on giving me what I want right now I'M wondering if he will just quick claim it to me, I don't know I just don't want to worry about maintaining it or repairing things, but I know I could keep up with it better than he could. It would be a dump in less than a year and the value would take a dive. But as long as I got my portion of the equity I wouldn't care, but I was really looking forward to starting a new life in another town, I really don't want to run into him and OW, and I just need a fresh start. IM not just going to give it to him either, I want my part of the equity, I think I've given him enough!! Anyway I dont think it will sell right away in this market, and I dont know about my son. He really cant move in with his dad and OW, and If he moves to Gainesville he will lose his job here...So really one of us should keep the house??? Decisions!!Decisions!! Thanks any ideas are greatly appreciated!! Sorry about the long reply......I do tend to ramble! Take Care ~Mary~
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 10:29am

First, I am thinking that if your DH is in financial difficulties, why does he need both a Harley & a truck w/ loans on both?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2003
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 4:18pm
Hello Musiclover, Why does he need a car and a truck?? Well maybe we should ask him that question!! He felt he deserved the Harley I guess, he bought that in June after we had agreed to not spend any more than we had to, and to work on paying our joint bills. So of course when I found out about his purchase ($20,000) I was very upset, again he cant be trusted. I asked him why he couldn't of waited until we had our finances in better shape, he told me he was his own man now and I would never let him get a bike, DAH we couldn't really afford it! Other things were a priority. He needs his truck for his job as he his a rural mail carrier. Karma has struck though because he had to have surgery yesterday on his rt ankle, a dog ran out in front of him last week while he was on his bike and yeah he crashed. Im sure it wont be his last. So now hes laid up for about 2 months, I hope he has enough sick time and vacation time to cover it or he wont be paid, and then again I will have to suck it up! If we could have refinanced the house I would stay here until DD graduated next year then move. But IM thinking it may be to my advantage to get him to sign over the house to me, I will give him an itemized list of all the money he owes me for various things, and maybe what ever equity that would be owed to him will even out with what he owes me and maybe I can say if he signs the house over to me I will call it even and he wont have to pay me a dime. WE also have a timeshare in Vegas we will finish paying this year I would give him that, its worth about $8000, so he wont owe me half again it could be given to him. If we could refinance and get the cash out the equity would be close to $30,000 so his half would be $15,000 and by me keeping track of all he owes me since hes been gone, and the timeshare that $15,000 would be pretty much spent. So IM trying to keep all receipts and a list of expenses he has not paid, then maybe it will be a fair deal for him to just sign the house over to me..Im sorry for making this so long but I wanted you to get a better picture of what I was thinking. I want to come out of this in the best way I can, for myself and my kids. Yes my son will start paying rent, that be another advantage for me, I can put his money into a savings account for house expenses, and if he does eventually move I can rent his room out..plus theres a tax advantage...I just didn't want to have to worry about all the big things that can go wrong with a home and then not being able to pay for it on my own. ITs an old house 1987, and although we have redone everything but the kitchen, its just such a huge responsibility. Just the yard and keeping it maintained can be a real chore! But if I could be better off in the long run to keep it I will. And maybe in a couple of years the housing market will be a sellers market again and I could be even further ahead. Wow I had already sent the marital settlement agreement to a lawyer to review and I had said in it I wanted him to refinance the house and if he cant to put it up for sale...I guess I can redo that page. I still need to think on it, NO hurry he will be laid up for at least 2 months and we wont be able to get it notarized until then. I hope things are going well for you. HOw many days until you go to Sanibel?? IM envious! Thats such a nice place! You will have a nice relaxing time! Take Care ~Mary~
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 4:32pm

Hi Mary,


I'm not going to Sanibel until Nov 7--that Tues. is Veterans day so we are going Fri-Tues.