Get over jealousy
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| Mon, 01-16-2006 - 12:19pm |
Here I am again whining over ex and new wife's behavior.
I really need to figure out a way to stop letting them bother me when they continue to pull their act that new wife is just as much my kids' mom as I am. How do I not let it hurt me? I'm tired of it. I don't expect their behavior to ever change, they are both so arrogant and sure they know it all. All I can do is change my reaction, but how?
New instances...
Today, of course is a school holiday. My youngest is still in need of supervised care on a day off of school. By the C.O., she's with me and I was planning on sending her to the daycare she goes to in summer. Well, she's in girl scouts and ex and new wife got it in her head to go to new wife's office today to take cookie orders. She could have just taken in the form-sheesh! DD doesn't really like spending the day at daycare on school holidays. I can't take the day off, so I figured, ok, let her go, I need a sitter anyhow. Well, this is turned into "going out to breakfast and lunch", new wife buying her new stuff, and taking the afternoon off to play. GRRR! Now I regret saying yes.
They take any chance to act like they are the REAL family and do all this fun stuff together that we never did while married.
Another thing, I'm going to have to give up Mother's Day with my kids this year. My ex's mom passed away recently, was cremated and there is a ceremony planned in another state to scatter the ashes near her birthplace on her birthday, the day after Mother's Day. I think it's absolutely appropriate for the kids to go to this ceremony for their grandmother--it's only the day that is the problem. What gets me is that it was all arranged before anybody said anything to me. It's presented that, "Can't you celebrate Mother's day with your kids another time?" Which I can, but what I expect will happen, given the ex's previous behavior, is that ex will set up some elaborate celebration honoring his new wife as mom on that day. I can't take anymore of this witch and him behaving like she's their mom.
Do ya'll think I'm too sensitive and overreacting? Or do I have a legitimate complaint?
Oh, and another thing, somebody else referred to her as mother and me as stepmother the other day...I'm sick of that too.
I'm a tired cupcake.
Edited to add another GRRR...
We all live in the same neighborhood and know alot of the same people. Just this past weekend, an old neighbor said to me, "you should have heard the awful things NW had to say about you!". I just said that I wouldn't be surprised by anything she or he had to say and let it go. It was very hard to hold my tongue. That really angers me, to be talked about negatively behind my back. If that behavior continues, I'm gonna lose any desire to behave gracefully.
Edited 1/16/2006 12:26 pm ET by momsacupcake

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I completely agree... switch Mother's Day for Father's Day this year... Its a great idea and the perfect solution...
Julie
First of all I wouldn't listen to what your old neighbors have to say about NW. I wouldn't trust them because it sounds like they could be playing both sides. I don't trust people that way.
I would just go ahead and bring the kids with you for your mother's memorial service, it's their grandmother and you ARE their MOM and you have that right. Once you stop letting them tell YOU how you're going to do things it makes things a lot easier.
Once the newness wears off with Stepmommy your dd will start seeing the real her. Right now everyone is going through that honeymoon stage. Having a child is a demanding job and it's not all about taking afternoons off to shop and play. I used to really worry about my ex's new GF taking over with my kids, but really if they lived there full time she'd be pulling her hair out and would probably be glad that old mommy here really runs the show.
My gosh, the very same thing that happened to me is happening with your family!
I just can't understand how my horrible abusive husband/invisible father has suddenly turned into Mr. Perfect. It hurts terribly that I gave all I had to be treated like dirt. Now he is doing all the things I wanted desperately and deserved with his new wife. I guess it took divorce for him to realize he was making mistakes. This is such a different personality--I wonder if it is a sincere change. He's still verbally cruel to me. I guess I did my kids a huge favor by divorcing their father. He finally started paying some attention to them.
Good grief!
Cupcake
Oh, I definitely know better than to listen to such gossip. It just irks me no end to find out she, he or both are trashing me to others.
It wasn't my Mom that passed away, thank God, it was his--that's why I gave up the day so they could be with their paternal family.
We actually have 50/50 possession so my kid is with them half the time, so she has ample opportunity to act the mommy. Now I wish ex hadn't had the vasectomy--she's still young enough to conceive her own. I wish she would and leave mine alone.
Why do they always turn into the men we WANTED them to be AFTER THE DIVORCE? I feel like I was just the dog trainer for years that got the stupid, defiant dog that bit me all the time & never listened to a word I said....to turn the dog over to his new owners whom he will behave perfectly for and be their dream dog.
My ex's girlfriend must be sitting back thinking "What is her problem? He is so wonderful...I don't know why she wasn't happy!" Ahhhh.
Lainie
Hey Cupcake
I share the kids 50/50 as well. It has been almost three years since we have separated and his girlfriend had the gall to come up to me 2 1/2 years ago and say "your loss was my gain". Well...... one thing.... I left him.... and being the "cupcake" I am I didn't say anything back to her.... however..... I have been biding my time and watching and "hearing" from the kids and it seems my stbx is slipping into alot of his old ways and has unleashed his true self a few times to her......
maybe some day I will throw back to her "is he still your gain"?
But I guess my point was.... all these new Mr. Perfects will slip back into their old ways when the new wears off...... you can't change a person.... I sure learned that...I like things to be very civil when dealing with my ex... but sometimes I think when you are too nice (which I am most of the time)...they really push it until you explode.... which happened to me twice in the last three years.... when he finally pushed the button to where I went a little crazy... that is when he backed down and acted nice.....
What do you think..... do we do a disservice to ourselves by being too nice? I crave peace in my life and I think I put up with too much so I don't make waves... Do you girls find this to be true too... I really admire some of the posters here who seem so strong....
If you are upset about Mothers Day.. which I would be..... I would nicely say to my stbx... since you will have the kids on Mothers Day.... how about if I have them Fathers Day..... just for this year....
Hugs
Oh.... about the neighbors.... I deal with that too because we all live in the same town... I have found people/neighbors love to talk... and I have learned over the past three years to say.... (when they say... hey he/she is saying this about you)... I just say ahh... I don't need to hear it.... and change the subject!
:)
Yes, I do hope time will bring more peace. I, too, don't feel any sense of loss over the man at all...he made my life miserable. She's welcome to him--why she wants him is beyond me! I have to be very, very careful not to be bullied and taken advantage of by him, and NW of course is his ally and does whatever he wants her to. I actually think I have done myself a disservice in the past by being too nice and putting up with stuff just to keep the peace, causing me emotional pain. That's a fine line to walk sometimes, putting up with stuff to stay out of court fights while maintaining self-respect and taking good care of the kids. When men stand up for themselves, they are called assertive; when women stand up for themselves they're called b......'s
Cupcake craves peace also...
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