Getting divorced.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2013
Getting divorced.
5
Wed, 09-04-2013 - 7:28am

I thought our marriage could be saved but I was wrong.  We kept talking, he still felt like he needed time to work on his issues. Turns out he's been sleeping with the alleged friend.  He promised that he cut off all contact, and then found out a week later that he had just talked to her.  Told me it was the first time.  I was mad, finally issused him all ultimatum that he needs to either choose our marriage or that friendship.  I said some pretty harsh things to him about running away from his issues, etc.  the next night he asked to separate.  He said he had no interest in being in a new relationship.  he told the kids the following night (that was just so angering to hurt them like that).   Yesterday I found out that he never cut off contact and I confronted him.  He said that he had spent the previous night with her an ultimately told me that he is planning on continuing a relationship with her.  I'm sure that it wasn't the first time like he told me.  i can't believe thE number of lies he's told me, and still is because he isn't man enough to tell me the truth.  He's a coward.

I told the kids yesterday because I didn't want them to hope for reconciliation.  I told them that it was over, that dad found someone else he wants to be with and it's not me.   i think my oldest is the only one who really understood.  When he talked to him on the phone last night, all he asked is whether I said anything, not what I said.  He couldn't even responds truthfully to one of the others on where he has been staying.  So cowardish.

im pretty numb right now, so angry, sad...    Working on getting us all into therapy.  Trying to figure out my next steps and what I need to do to protect myself and my children.  He won't answer my questions on why he had to keep leading me on and couldnot just end it.  It's just so cruel.  I can't believe he had the nerve to tell me he still loves and respects me.  This is not how you treat people you love.  I'm so grateful to my family and friends.  I feel like I have a huge wall surrounding me trying to protect me.  I just wish my family was closer so I could hold them physically close.  Trying so very hard to keep it together.  At least I'm not in limbo Anymore.   Is it wrong to hope that he bitterly regrets this one day, that he realizes how awful of a husband he's been to me.  I deserve better, and he was never good enough for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Thu, 09-05-2013 - 12:18pm

I am so sorry for what you and the kids are going through.  You will get through this.  What are your kids' ages?

We have another forum that you might want to visit as well.  It's specifically for betrayed spouses.  There are some very supportive members there who have been through what you are dealing with now.  Here's the link:  http://www.ivillage.com/forums/love-sex/relationship-problems/betrayed-spouses-support

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 09-06-2013 - 1:22pm

So sorry to hear your news.  I know the boards are a bit slow right now, but I hope you keep posting and also reaching out in real life.

Hugs....

Serenity CL making a second marriage work

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 09-07-2013 - 12:51am

I'm sorry this is happening to you, but it sounds like it's been building up for a long time, and finally came to a head.  You need to get rid of the anger, and decide what you are going to do next.  Do you work?  Does he?  Is he going to help you with finances? 

Being angry is a waste of your energy, and it's unfortunate you had to drag your kids into your anger.  They didn't need to know that "daddy found someone new"!  All they needed to know is that daddy was not living there anymore.  Now they will think that daddy doesn't love them, and I'm sure that's not true.  No matter what he does or who he does it with, he is still their father, and you have to make sure they know that, and that he loves them.  Young children can't and shouldn't be dragged into your problems.

What you need to do now is talk to him now, and find out what his plans are, and if he's going to help you with finances.  You probably should look into getting a lawyer to help you.  There are some who work "pro bono", meaning they charge little or nothing if you can't afford legal fees. 

Your life has changed, and your children's lives have changed.  Don't make it worse for them....their father is gone, and they need a happy mother right now.....     Your husband is gone.....and she's got him.  They deserve each other......neither of them respect the marriage vows you made......he cheated on you, and he'll probably cheat on her, too.  Good Luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2013
Fri, 10-25-2013 - 9:56pm

I had been in the same situation, ex wife left with another guy and left the three children with me. It was hard dealing with the divorce, like you my friends and fmaily had been really supportive and helped me recover. It's been two years now since we separated and I still find it kinda hard to trust anyone but I'm sure time wil heal all the wounds. As of now my children are my strenght and I will do everything just to make sure they will grow up full of love.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2014
Sat, 03-15-2014 - 11:57pm

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