Getting divorced and pregnant
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Getting divorced and pregnant
| Mon, 09-18-2006 - 1:00pm |
I will try to give you all the short version. I have been married for 4 years and with my husband for 10 years. He has a daughter from a previous relationship that I have helped raise. We planned to have children. Anyways abouts six months ago he went into a horrible depression and started treating me like crap and decided he didn't want children. He moved out and we have been separated for several months. In August he sits me down tells me he is in love with me..he wants children with me..(he was just scared depressed etc)We reconciled under the condition that we go to therapy and he follows up with a psychiatrist to treat his depression) of course that didn't happen and i got pregnant right away. Now I am 7 weeks pregnant. He is not wanting me to keep the pregnancy and the marriage is over. I have filed for divorce. We have just hurt each other so much with our words and this man told me he wanted a family with me. I am extrememly stressed out. I have thought a million times about terminating this pregnancy. I am so vulnerable and I don't know how i am going to have a relationship with this man for18+ years for the sake of this child. I always wanted to be a mom. I am 27 years old but like many people i wanted a family with a husband. This pregnancy feels so overwhelming to me plus the grief of my divorce. I know there are no guarantees in life but i do feel like this is a sick joke that is being played on me that after all this time i am pregnant when i am at the lowest point in my life

I am so sorry for your stress, but I do understand.
4 1/2 years ago my husband and I were separated and planning on divorce. He moved out on October 19th, 2001 and didn't look back. Late November, a month later, my grandfather passed away and in the need for comfort and support I leaned on my soon to be ex for one night.
That one night led to a big surprise the day after Christmas. I found out I was pregnant. It was crazy, and hectic and terrible all at once. I didn't know what to do because my ex didn't want to be with me, but I might have to deal with him for the rest of my life. And what about dating or re-marrying? It was a really crazy time.
I decided that regardless of what he was to be in my life, I wanted to be a mom to this baby. Regardless of whether he wanted it or not, I wanted it. It was a scary decision and I was stressed a bunch, but it worked out to be the best decision I have ever, EVER made in my life.
While my husband and I reconciled when I was about 4 months pregnant, but we are now in the process of divorce. I would have gone it alone, it was the decision I made. I had the total loving support from all of my friends and family. They made it so much easier to look at the joy coming around the corner.
My 4 year old son is the everlasting joy of my life. He gives me every reason to live my life to the fullest, to see flowers bloom or the sun set through the eyes of a child is the greatest gift a person can receive.
My separation and divorce hurt so much more today than it did 4 years ago pregnant, back then I didn't think anything could hurt worse. But today, I can put my pain -as a hurt and angry wife aside to nurture, love and enjoy my son each moment. There is no greater pain reliever, I've found, then my son's smile and laughter!
You have to reach the right decision for yourself. A loving and supporting network of family and friends can make all the difference. Use them to make your decision, not your husband. Your friends and family can help you better weigh your options, and prepare a safe haven for you regardless of the decision.
Personally, I never really knew love until I was loved by my child! And that love is everlasting because you are Mommy, not because of anything you do. You are the bomb to your baby and nobody can ever take that away.
Good luck in your decision!
I can relate. I was married to my husband for 16 years, he has been gone for 10 months now. Our divorce is in process. We have three kids, the last one was a suprise. After ten years i got pregnant. We were both suprise. Well he keep telling me we can't afford it,i guess that was his way of saying, he didn't want it, what was i suppose to do. I had this baby growing inside me. Then, to my suprise he told me, he didn't love me anymore. So here I was pregnant and him treating me like crap. I felt so alone. I would ask myself why did this happen, why was i given this baby, and my husband was taken away from me. Well he stood with me until the baby was born. He left me after the baby was two weeks old.
The baby is now 10 months old. We are doing fine.
Whatever your decision is, its up to you. Stay strong. Take care of yourself for the baby. Don't get yourself stessed out. Everything will work it self out.
Daisy, I feel for you. 16 years ago I told my husband that I was pregnant, his first reaction was to insist I abort. Then proceeded to make sure I didn't carry to term by getting physically abusive. I left him at 3 months pregnant thinking I had already miscarried. Turns out my now 15 yr old son was a survivor from the start.
I am still raising him on my own, no help or contact from his BF and he's wonderful. The best thing that ever happened to me. I became stronger than I ever thought I was capable of becoming. My family gave me all the moral support I could ever ask for.
I don't recommend becoming a single parent on purpose, but it can be done and you and the child can be a family.
Jer