Getting the Freakin' Run-Around.
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| Mon, 06-13-2005 - 5:22pm |
ARGH!!!! Oooh - I am so mad I could chew rocks. Grrr.
This divorce, for those of you who know my story, was not my idea. I didn't want it, but I wasn't willing to live with my cheating lying stbx. I've had a really hard time with acceptance, and with realizing I am truly on my own, etc. But this board has given me so much help, and courage... Seeing people with abuse and children find thier way has inspired me so much.
In Canada you have to wait one year before filing a divorce, you must be separated for that time. So. I tossed him out June 19th 2004, so the end of this week I can file the papers.
Now I can't find the b*stard.
He's changed his cell #. He's unlisted in the phone book. I've google searched. I've e-mailed his old e-mail address (undeliverable). I've called his parent's house - they won't answer, and they don't have an answering machine. I e-mailed his work. No response. Finally today I called his work - miracle of miracles, he does apparently still work there! But he wasn't in. Did I want to leave a message? YES!!! He doesn't have voicemail, who shall I say called? XXX, at XXX-XXX-XXXX. Please ask him to call back. "Can I tell him what this is regarding?" It's personal, I say. "I'm sorry, but I need to tell him a reason". Excuuuse me??? Fine, I say, tell him it's about his DIVORCE. I also e-mailed an old e-mail address I have for his mother.
All of this, simply because before I can file the darned papers I need to have his current home address, work address, phone # at home and work. ARRRGH! I have to be able to provide that info in order that he be served. Each attempt costs me money, so I have to have both addresses. He works for a law enforcement agency, so they can't get him at work. Oh, and I might as well just kiss the idea of getting any MONEY from him goodbye. I thought that because he was so eager to get away from me, I could probably get him to pay half of the divorce. HAH! What a joke. Now it looks like I am going to have to hire a skip tracer to find him, might as well just declare freakin bankruptcy over this.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
Thanks for listening to me vent. =)

My ex did the same thing.
I filed papers, arranged WITH XH to have him served... he fled. He was moving that month... never told me where until 3-4 MONTHS later and didn't answer his phone or text messages. He also didn't answer emails/had me blocked.
My divorce was also NOT MY IDEA. I filed because my mother gave me the money to file and I THOUGHT that is what XH wanted. Apparently I was wrong.
He knew I couldn't get alimony and he was already paying me child support ( well until i filed for divorce he was ) so there was NO REASON for him to bail like that.
I wish we could get into men's heads and find out what the hell they are thinkin.
Hugs to you and be patient, things will come with time.
Angelena
LOL!
I knew you guys would be able to make me smile... "Tempting to go to his place of work and just follow him home."...
I can just see me in a wig and sunglasses, parked in a rental car... LOL!
Ha ha ha!!!
Don't worry - I won't actually DO this. But I may get a friend to try it. But how do I know that he goes home? Just cause he uses the keys to open a door, it could be a gf's place. Rats. So much for that. Back to the skip tracer!
I know it's gonna be a long haul, it has already been a year, and I am getting a little bit impatient, I guess. I just want it OVER.
Isn't it wierd? I thought for some reason, since he was so gung-ho to end our marriage, that he would be actually very happy to REALLY end it. And now everything is so bizarre! I never expected any reluctance or problem about this part of it, since I didn't have to encourage him to leave.
And it bugs me that he hasn't had the courtesy of at least letting me know a phone number or SOMETHING... If he wants to move to Bali after the divorce is final, fine. Go ahead, and don't bother leaving your number. But now, if you go, GIVE ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER!!!!
Oh well, if I have to, I will pay the process server to go to the airport (where he works) and camp out there, eventually he will have to either come in or leave... it will be more expensive, but worth the closure, I think.
My mom has come up with the brilliant idea that I can go ahead without an address for him. I tried and tried to explain that if I want to do that, I need to retain a lawyer, which immediately triples my fees... Love people who have no idea but try to give advice. She's like, just leave it blank, the court will accept it. Yeah, right. I've seen what the court registry does to incomplete documents.
I guess it bugs me that I finally worked up enough nerve, confidence and a thick enough skin to try to start this process, and WHAM! Thwarted at the start.
UGH.
Hi brown girl
I am going thru the same crap..my stbx told me he wanted a D (well not actually told me,he wrote me a letter and left it on my kitchen counter,pretty good after 26years of M,did not even have the balls to tell me face to face. So after changing his mind several times over the course of 6months he finally filed the papers in Nov of 2003,,yes 2003,,,he did not move out of the house until Jan 2005,,,for almost one year he did not speak to me ,and mind you my house is not big..but he was the one who wanted out and filed and now almost 2years later,he is the one dragging it along..presently he is fighting the amount of alimony the court ordered,,,but like you ,,he is the one who wanted his freedom again and now,I am the one who has had to put my life on hold until this is over.. I met a man 2months after the stbx told me he wanted out,,but because I am going for alimoney my lawyer advised me to not meet this man until the D is over..so while the stbx can do anything he wants with anyone and it will have no impact on the outcome of this D ,,I on the other hand,,can do nothing..
I know if I was the one who filed,,this mess would of been over with a long time ago..