Getting nervous..need help staying calm

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Getting nervous..need help staying calm
2
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 1:54pm

OK, here's the deal. STBX and I have an agreement, in writing, that there are to be no overnights with girl/boyfriends with our kids. He lives with his girlfriend and her two daughters. This weekend, they are having a birthday party for my oldest DD and STBX said that the kids would spend the night with him tonight because they were going to get started early in the morning. I told him that per our agreement, that that wasn't acceptable and that I would be glad to meet him somewhere as early as necessary with our kids in the morning. He told me that he didn't want to argue and that was fine. I asked him repeatedly if we still agreed on this or if he was just agreeing because he didn't want to argue. He said we still agree that it isn't acceptable. He said this would just have been a one time deal because of her birthday (which I don't believe for a second - give an inch and he takes a mile).

Anyway, tonight is the night that he wanted them to spend the night and I am terrified that he won't bring them home. He has said that he will bring them back at the usual time (around 10 or so) but I just can't shake the fear that he won't do it. Don't get me wrong, I don't fear for their lives or that he would kidnap them or anything. I just don't want to have to deal with him breaking yet another thing in our divorce agreement. His girlfriend is probably the one behind this because she thinks I'm stupid for wanting my children to grow up with morals - imagine that! This coming from someone who moved her boyfriend in with her 2 young daughters about a month after she kicked their dad out of the house. I know lots of people live together before they are married but good grief...he isn't even divorced yet! And that is just not something I want to teach my children is OK to do. Anyway, I don't want to get into a moral debate, I just want somebody to reassure me that it's going to be OK. If he doesn't bring them home, then I have to decide just how far I want to push this whole thing. I have a friend that works for the Department of Child Services and she told me that I could go as far as calling the police, showing them the divorce papers and they could go with me to pick up the kids. Now, this idea sounds pretty appealing to put the fear of God in him and his stupid girlfriend, but I would hate to do it in front of my kids because I think it would scare them. Anyway, I just hope it doesn't come to that. I really don't have any reason to think that it will except I have only his word that he will bring them home tonight. And his word isn't worth squat anymore!! I did get him to send it to me in an email yesterday agreeing to bring them home and at what time. Not sure why, but somehow it made me feel better to have it in writing.

Sorry for the ramble...just looking for some understanding ears.....

TIA,
Stephanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2007
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 2:04pm

Sorry you have this unneeded stress. I TOTALLY agree. As someone who lived with my former husband before marriage, I agree that there are certain things children should not be exposed to.

What about calling him and offering to pick the girls up. Maybe if you act like you are doing him a favor, he'll take you up on it. Something like, "I know you probably have a lot to do to get ready for tomorrow and instead of taking the extra time to bring the girls home, how about I pick them up?" Kill him with kindness. Or you could say that you are going to be out somewhere around the time he would be leaving his place to bring them home and would he mind if you just picked them up on your way home (even if it were out of your way).

Just a thought.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 4:41pm

HI Stephanie.... ya know, unfortunately, you're just going to have to try to instill the values that you want in your kids.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~