Getting over an ex husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2007
Getting over an ex husband
5
Thu, 11-29-2007 - 6:41am

My husband and I have been separated for 4 years now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Thu, 11-29-2007 - 7:48am

My first impressions:


Do you really believe that this woman left her husband and then struck up a relationship with your husband?


You are either married or you arent.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Thu, 11-29-2007 - 1:01pm

Awe, that's hard. You have been good friends these four years. I disagree with the previous poster that it is inappropriate for you do do things with your X -- if you created a new relationship as co-parents and friends that's ok -- that's what friends do -- go to movies, have dinner etc. The problem seems to lie in that you were hoping for a reconciliation and he was ok with being friends. So, now you are experiencing a whole new loss. And that is tough, especially with this difficult time for your young son.

You aren't alone in it though. He is still your son's father and you can support each other in that. So accept that piece and accept that you are going to be grieving the loss of a dream of reconciliation. Get to therapy; talk with good friends; read the book "Spiritual divorce." Take care of yourself.

Hugs,

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2006
Thu, 11-29-2007 - 1:07pm

I know how you feel. I was married for 16 years, to my first love. We have 3 kids together, one being only 2 years old. He has been gone now, for 2 years, we are divorced,

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2006
Thu, 11-29-2007 - 2:46pm
I agree with the poster that said you are either "married" or you're not. My ex and I have a wonderful relationship and we sometimes talk more that we did when we were married but we do not go out to the movies or out to eat unless it is a function for our daughter. I think by hanging on to a relationship that is over (maybe you guys should have just separated instead of divorced) just makes it harder when someone else enters into the picture. My ex wanted us to go out but I told him that in no way would I date someone who I was once married to if we were not considering getting back together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Sat, 12-01-2007 - 12:02pm

Laurvina,


Having a good relationship with your Ex is not a bad thing, especially when you have children. The issue for the two of you seems to be deciding to officially ending the marriage.


You say you've been separated for four years. Why hasn't one of you filed for the legal divorce? At any time during this separation did you seek joint marriage counseling or individual counseling?


The fact your husband feels free to engage in a new relationship outside of your marriage should tell you he doesn't share the same commitment you do or the same expectation of renewing your marriage.


At this point, I'd highly recommend that you speak with a lawyer and find out your rights and responsibilities in a divorce. Someone has to file and get the process going.


I also recommend you limit your

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