getting ready to separate
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getting ready to separate
| Tue, 10-03-2006 - 11:35am |
Hi, I'm new here. I'm not divorced yet, but we are getting ready to separate. I couldn't find a separation board, so I hope this is the one to post at. We've got 4 kids, aged 6 to 3 months and my dh has fallen out of love. We've been going to a counselor for the last 2 months, and he gave a half-hearted attempt to work on things a month or so ago to no avail. I think he needs to be out to figure out if this is what he wants, which is killing me. How does this work? Do we see other people?

I feel your pain knibrn. I've been walking on eggshells since our son was born (mid June), actually before that, I just didn't know how bad it was. I feel all those emotions you described. I found a messageboard that has an ebook that has been really helpful on how to be. They call it BS&LI (bright, shining, and lovingly indifferent). It has really helped me. Let me know if you want to be directed to that board.
Lorzanne,
There is something called a "Structured Separation." This means you live apart but you have rules, such as who pays the bills, fixes the car, visitation for the kids, and whether or not you date others. The idea of a structured separation is to give each other some breathing room and release from the day-to-day issues. It should give you better perspective on your marriage and what is going well and what is not. It's also a time to work on those issues individually and together. The timeframe for a structured separation is usually not more than 6 months.I strongly encourage you to find a counselor who understands what a structured separation is and how to work with you both during the time.
People fall in and out of love with their spouses. My question for you is do you LIKE each other? If you are friends, not just spouses, you have a lot of reasons to save your marriage. I'm not suggesting you have tolive without love or romance, but you need to recognize you can work through these phases and have a better marriage. My advice is to NOT date anyone during a separation. You're already emotionally fragile and getting involved with someone is not a good idea when you are coming out of a relationship.
Good luck,
Wisdomtooth
I guess we are kind of doing a structured separation. We talked a lot yesterday and the plan is that he will move out, I will continue to handle all the bills and such. He'll get the kids one weeknight plus every other weekend. We won't see other people, will keep wearing our wedding rings, and after a few weeks we are going to go on a date.
Actually, we do like each other. A lot, I think. My hope is that we can still work this out. Time will tell.
Hugs, Brenda
Hugs, Brenda