Getting Ready,Letting Go--Need Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2008
Getting Ready,Letting Go--Need Help!
11
Mon, 09-15-2008 - 8:21pm

Boy, do I need help and advice ! Here's my story: Married 30 years (I was 20.) 2 kids (son, 26 and on his own; daughter, 17 and in high school). My husband has not touched me in 8 years--yep, EIGHT! He very, very rarely says anything positive to me, doesn't tell me he loves me, nothing. Marriage counseling: him, 4 sessions with me; me, a gazillion sessions to figure out how to cope. Why am I still in the marriage? For our daughter's sake. And I'm sure that was the right decision, but now, the light is at the end of the tunnel, and I'm scared and confused.

I know I'll be lonely at first. Yuck. That scares me silly. Also, I'm the kind who can't bear hurting anyone. I'm afraid to bring up the Big D. I can't imagine he wants to stay in the marriage, but then, I can't figure him out any more. Generally, if he seems hurt or upset about something, I cave. I HATE having someone I care about (and I still care about him.)feeling hurt because of my actions. I don't know when or how to approach him with this. Earlier would allow us to plan but would just make things more tense, maybe a LOT more tense.WWYD?

Also, can anyone recommend a site or something where I can get advice on preparing financially? I'm worried that money will trap me into staying in this marriage for years longer--at least until our daughter gets through college. I don't think I can stand that.

These last eight years have been agonizing. Any advice?

Julie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 12:24pm

I just think that some men have a lot of difficulty dealing w/ emotions--maybe they were told as a child not to cry or to express sadness & then as adults they don't really know how to express sympathy.

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