Getting through the bad days

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2007
Getting through the bad days
41
Thu, 08-16-2007 - 11:30am

On Tuesday I went to look at another apartment, and decided after one look that I would be miserable there. There was nothing in particular wrong with it, it was just dark and felt dingy, despite being clean and presentable. The property wasn't attractive, and the carpets were an ugly brown, and I knew I would be depressed to come home to that apartment every day. Then I found out that apartment #1, which I had really liked, was already taken. So, back to the beginning.

Getting home, feeling frustrated, I pulled into the parking lot just in time to see my stbx climbing into a shiny red car with one of the women he had cheated on me with. He sees no problem with this since he considers himself single at this point, but I was devestated. We had a yelling match when he returned that night (which I was worried he wouldn't) - it was good to get things off our chests, but it took a lot out of me, even if we were both less angry with each other by the end of it. I took the day off from work yesterday to try and recover some strength, took myself out someplace nice for the afternoon, and now I'm holding together a little bit better. But I just feel so weary, and I'm doing my best to push the sadness aside so I can get through the day. I can't let myself be crippled by this grief when I have forms to fill out and apartment searching to do....

It just crushes me whenever I think of him being with these other women (especially while I'm still living with him and we haven't even officially started the divorce mediation process). Thinking about the fact that soon, I won't be able to go to him for comforting hugs when I need a pair of warm arms around me (somehow I manage to still love him through all the anger and hurt). I'm surrounded by the love of my friends and family, but it's not always enough to chase away this pain. I feel so pathetic for letting myself get so attached to someone else that I fall apart when he can no longer be part of my life.

I'm strong, and I know I'll get through this in time, but I also feel so very weak. How do the rest of you cope with the waves of anger and sadness and depression and loneliness, and the sheer number of things that need to be done?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2007
Fri, 09-14-2007 - 3:38pm

Hi Iowa90,


I have been divorced for

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2007
Fri, 09-14-2007 - 4:17pm

Hey Brenda,


I am sooo glad this week is over! Wheww!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 09-14-2007 - 7:27pm
Hey Mocha,

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2007
Mon, 09-17-2007 - 1:14pm

Hey Brenda,


I know that I tell him to leave because of things I went through with my parents growing up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 09-19-2007 - 10:11pm

Hey Mocha,

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2007
Wed, 10-03-2007 - 3:45pm

Hello Brenda


I know it's been a while since we communicated and I don't know how long before you're tired of hearing about it like everyone else I know. But, I though I owed you one more email to let you know that I am O.K.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sun, 10-07-2007 - 10:18pm

Hey Mocha!

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2007
Tue, 10-16-2007 - 3:55pm

Hello Brenda,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 10-19-2007 - 1:36pm

Hey Mocha,

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2007
Wed, 10-24-2007 - 12:52pm

Hello Brenda,


I am not taking care of myself (honestly).