Girlfriends and their opinions
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| Tue, 10-18-2005 - 6:09am |
I'm not sure how to take this woman. First of all she sends home a bunch of fleece vests and sweatshirts with my kids after their visit. I'm wondering if perhaps she thinks I'm not going to provide for my kids. I went out and got the same things for my kids and donated hers to Goodwill.
My ex told her that my son doesn't want to come to my house (he's 15) because I make him take the bus to school. He told her that our son wasn't going to run the show and I agree with him. Well of course she has to pipe in and say oh "it's more than the bus issue". You don't know what goes on there. I mean how dare she!!!! She gets alimony and childsupport and I get nothing. She says I need to move to a house that's cheaper so I'll have more money. I say I need help from their father to pay for stuff. I would have had a cheaper place to live had my ex let me have the land instead of the house!! Now the land sits empty. Grrrrrrrr
Anywhoo, how do you defend yourself against someone that doesn't even know me and my struggles? Sure my son get's pi$$ed about taking the bus, but he doesn't mention the fact that I take him to the bank after school on Thursdays or that on my weekends I take him to the mall and other stores he wants to go to. They only hear the bad, and frankly it's really not that bad. They're all childish. I do make him help me around the house because he's no different from the other kids. Everyone here has to pitch in and at least pick up their dishes and their rooms.

You are being a great mom and you know it and when your kids grow up they will appreciate it and tell you so.
Hey there..... Karen I apologize for the cl-hat... I promise to take it off next time :)
Here's my thoughts:
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You don't..... YOU know what you are doing. YOU know what you do everyday....
I have dealt with this for 2 years. Every time something else comes up or I solve what got thrown at me WITHOUT confrontation, they find something new to "harass" me about. It's almost AlWAYS her..... she has no idea what I do everyday. That girl has insulted everything from the way my kids dress, the size of my apartment, complaining because XH has to pay me money for the kids, how I dress, how much weight I have lost, when I got pregnant with #3 by my current boyfriend she harassed me for not aborting, I mentioned on my blog ( which is now protected so she cannot see ) that I wanted to paint my sons room I didn't get the chance to over the summer so she harassed me about that, my daughter has a lazy eye and the doc gave her glasses for it she harassed me because the doc didnt give her a patch and because I didn't take her to the doc when she was 6 months old ( the ped wanted to wait until a certain age her first birthday to see if she would grow out of it ) I mean the list goes on and on.... even to the fact that I am going to school, working part time, and taking care of 3 kids.... now its not that I sit home and do nothing, now its about how I am never home and "neglect" my kids.....
It shows insecurity on their part. It doesn't even deserve the thought...... I have learned WHO CARES what she thinks and WHO CARES what she says. She is nothing. In my case, she slept with a married man and took him away from his pregnant wife... I just remember that and then I know, she will get hers. Until then, I will smile and be the bigger person because I KNOW what I do everyday. She doesnt. Try finding something like that to remind you of what kind of person she is..... you could use what I use if applicable or even just use "they don't have the kids all the time, how would they know the cost, the time and the love that goes into them all day?"
Hugs and good luck :)
Angelena
I feel you on this one. This same interference from the gf of my ex and him allowing it was the source of our huge confrontation over the weekend. In my case, this is his second relationship since our breakup a yr and 8 mths ago. She's 21yrs old and after I had to tell her not to but in our conversations about the baby wants to tell me about ME about disrespecting him and their relationship. He doesnt need any help from me in "ruining" their relationship. Little does she know. She'll find out the truth eventually and then she will she why I was the way I was.
It felt good to give her a piece of my mind. She better not interfere again, she dont know me very well. I'll bring all the real deal out in the open with the quickness.
We have alot to deal with and we have to be strong and usually the bigger better person. Read the 37th Psalm from the Bible. When things seem overwhelming and I have the urge to be spiteful I read that and in calms me down.
It's just frustrating, sigh. My ex and his GF have tons of alone time together because I have the kind of job where I have blocks of days off and never work more than 3 in a row.
Last night was "his" night and I came home and my youngest son was there alone because the ex and the GF took my daughters to a Pampered Chef party. I don't get out of work till 7:30 at night (another thing for them to complain about) and he hadn't had anything to eat. Of course if I say anything about these issues or the fact that the kids end up at my house on HIS weekends, it's somehow MY fault.
I'm done worrying about it. He and the GF can try and move my kids 45 minutes away to her town all they want, but I'll fight it. They're just trying to make me look bad so they have a case.
I know its very frustrating. Im not incompetent and neither are you. Why did they leave one of the kids home alone? Why are worried that they may take your kids 45mins away. Is he fighting you for custody?
My ex is trying to get joint custody, buts its the biggest joke Ive ever seen. Him and his 21yr old together dont even make a full parent. LOL. It's ridiculous because he has sooo much FREE time he doesnt even utilize in spending time with the baby. But Im kinda glad because after the whole pamper incident on Saturday I dont ever want him to get him but I know I cant enforce that. They take the kids for a day or so and talk like it's so easy to raise the kids. They dont realize that we do it non-stop. My ex actually told me when I asked him to take the baby on some saturdays said he couldnt because thats the day he spends with his gf. Then last sat he wanted him, why because I hadnt requested he take him, what a joke. He cant even stick to the day, I emphasize DAY he asked for the baby and he wants to try to make me look bad in front of her and then behind her back, he wants to be all nice and somewhat decent to me. Ugh, he makes me sick.
Ugh.....you'll never get her to realize that you are not the person your ex says that you are. As far as she's concerned your ex is the one to believe b/c you're the evil, bitter ex-wife who wants to screw him over. When she says something that he's told her or based on what he's told her just say, "Hm..is that what he said? That's odd...." and just look kind of confused like you have no clue where he got it from. Then, just change the subject, or better yet, just don't even deal with her.
As far as the clothes go, I don't think that she thinks you aren't going to take care of the kids. I think its more of a "Haha, I can buy your kids clothes and they'll think I'm cooler than you" kind of crap. Some women are so trite and catty like that and she sounds like one of them. And who the heck is she to tell YOU to move to a cheaper house? Tell HER to move to a cheaper house so that your ex can pay what he's obligated to. I can't believe ANY woman (my ex's gf included) would be involved with a man who doesn't support his own kids. She must not think too highly of herself if she believes that she can't do any better than that. I'd just feel sorry for her that her self-esteem is so low...*evil grin*
A lot of it is that she's been through Hell. Her ex dumped her for another woman and completely abandoned the kids. She gets child support and seems to have made out well in the divorce.
She parrots my ex. When she talks about my work schedule or the house or anything about MY children she sounds just like him. She repeats his phrases word for word. She's just the clingy type that can't be without a man.
Again my son is at my house and I called him and he didn't have a clue where our teenage daughter was he claimed it was because he just got home an hour ago. Of course I had to call around to find her. Luckily it was slow enough at work so I could do that.
He couldn't go into work before 7:30 this morning because he had to drop the kids off at school because I have to be to work before 7. Of course they complain about it.