gitter done vent

Avatar for mom2maggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
gitter done vent
3
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 2:34pm

I don't know what else to do! URGGH!

STBX filed for divorce in July 05 and moved out on August 1. He left me emotionally at least three years ago. I finally gave up trying to make our relationship work last June.

Co-parenting is going very well. Unless STBX changes his mind on something major the equitable distribution should work out fairly painlessly.

So why can't we just finish the rest?

I can't get our attorneys to schedule a freaking meeting!!!

At our temporary relief hearing in October STBX's attorney even said she didn't see why we couldn't have everything final before Christmas!

It will probably only take one meeting, a few faxes back in forth, and a half hour to present everything to the judge. What's the hold up? My attorney isn't returning my calls. I've been leaving polite messages. I don't want to threaten to take my business elsewhere because if my attorney already used my retainer then he's ripping me off. Early on he kept raving about how I was so organized that I made everything very easy for him. Is he just ignoring me because he's not making a lot of money from me?

I've asked STBX to try to push from the other end, but I'm sure he won't. At work he works hard, but at home he doesn't make any effort to do anything unless it's clear that no one else is going to do it. Keep in mind he's not only the one who filed, but is still with the 19 yo OW/GF, goes to Catholic mass every week, and shows absolutely no signs of remorse. Catholics generally don't like the idea of divorce, but usually like adultery a lot less. Should I bluff and say that I changed my mind and that I could handle being legally married to him forever and see what he does? I'm sure he would know that I'm lying.

I know that my life won't suddenly be a bed of roses once this is done, but I need closure. I need to be able to confidently look forward and make plans. For example, some important home repair goals I have for this year can't happen until I've at least started the process of refinancing the house.

I'm also driving a car that could die any day now. I won't be able to get a new one as long as my name is still on the loan for the car that STBX drives.

I don't think I'd even consider dating while I'm still technically married.

I don't think STBX is intentionally trying to hurt me by dragging his feet, but it's still sucking some of the life out of me whether he intends it to or not.

Any ideas?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 2:44pm

I would send your attorney a *polite* registered letter saying that you'd like an update on the status of your case.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sat, 02-11-2006 - 5:07am

hugs... i agree with karen - its time to stop being "polite" and start being assertive.


as for trying to manipultae your stbx - be careful because it could backfire. i did this with my ex at the time, and it did work,but you have to be careful (i am jewish and at the time we wereboth orthodox, in jewish law the divorce is ALLOWED but it is not ENCOURAGED and all the rabbis in the court need is to THINK that the couple is interested in 'trying' again.) I knew that my ex didn't want to be married to me but he was dragging his feet so at some point i said - fine, lets get back together but these are my conditions

Avatar for mom2maggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Sat, 02-11-2006 - 11:16am
Thanks. I don't want to manipulate my ex. I was just venting. I don't know why I thought this would be any different than trying to make our marriage work, but I'm just frustrated because it seems like I'm the one that has to work so hard to make the divorce work too and he's the one who wants out.