Give me the courage to do this - UPDATE

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2010
Give me the courage to do this - UPDATE
13
Mon, 08-15-2011 - 4:12pm

The short story: J and I were coworkers for about four years.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2010
Mon, 08-15-2011 - 4:12pm
Forgot to add: I am 31, J is 32.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 08-15-2011 - 5:06pm

It will be difficult to do it, but it's a lot better than staying w/ an abuser until either you or your child end up in the hospital or dead.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Mon, 08-15-2011 - 5:37pm
I just responded to your earlier post.... Since I'm on my sister's phone, I didn't see the date you wrote it. I'm so sorry things turned out this way, and that J turned out to not only be emotionally unstable, but also emotionally, physically, and sexually abusive.

If possible, move in with a family member or close friend. But please remove yourself and your child from this environment. When you meet with the lawyer, inform them of everything that's happened (the abuse). Hopefully you will find justice and the court will not only grant you the divorce and child suppport, but also full custody.

I'm so sorry for what's happened - I pray that you find strength, and God looks after you both.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2011
Mon, 08-15-2011 - 8:53pm
All of the red flags are right there in front of you. Don't be foolish by ignoring them.

Now that you are a mother it is your responsibility and duty to protect your child (like a mother bear would) AND protect yourself. If something happened to you, who is going to take care of your child? You need to remove yourself from this unhealthy environment as soon as possible. You are wise to seek the advice of an attorney. He/she can help you develop a plan of action for yourself. It is very unlikely the man you are married to is going to change without professional help. If he is not willing to get some professional help and make some changes to improve his behavior (anger management) how long are you willing to tolerate this kind of behavior? What happens when the yelling and screaming starts affecting your little baby--and it will sooner or later. No mother would want that for her child.

This person is trying to intimidate you and is acting like a big bully. I don't even want to call him a man because REAL men don't behave in this manner. He has no respect for you as his wife or the mother of his child or he would not be acting this way. He would be kind, loving and affectionate towards you. He has already committed emotional adultery with an old girlfriend by e-mailing her behind your back. He has been psychologically abusive and demeaning to you with the name calling. And he has been physically abusive to you by pushing and throwing you to the floor. Just because a man is married to you does not give him the right to have sex with you without your consent (I think that is called rape). It doesn't sound like it was something you found enjoyable. If you have a family member or good friend's home you can go you should find a place to live where you will be emotionally supported and physically protected away from this man at the same time. If most of the 17k was yours before you got married ask the attorney how much of that you are allowed to withdraw from the bank because you will need that money to help support yourself.

All of the red flags are right there in front of you. Don't be foolish by ignoring them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Tue, 08-16-2011 - 11:34am

Hi there,

I'm sorry that the situation has turned violent and scary.

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Tue, 08-16-2011 - 2:55pm

User,

Hi. I agree you're a victim of domestic violence and you need to get help. The first priority here is to be safe. The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) to get in touch with people who know what to do and can guide you in leaving your relationship, including legal resources to help

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2011
Sun, 08-21-2011 - 11:04am

I don' t know if anyone has told you this, but secure your assetts before you leave, take your half of the money, and worry about it later.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 09-01-2011 - 1:13pm

Oh sweetie, I see this post is from a couple weeks ago and I hope you are OK.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 09-01-2011 - 1:27pm

I do hope the poster is okay and gets back to tell us what is going on..

I to was abused for 8 years.. Although mostly verbal with some mental and at times my ex would throw chairs and couches over my head. He did stop that behavior along with when he punched holes in walls and all.

Sienna your post hit home with me because when I had the last straw I told my husband then (now ex) to go to the store and get us some sandwiches.. He left the house and went to the store. When he was out I packed up and left .. That was probably the third and last time that I left for good.

I wished I would have gone to a shelter but I didnt. I did manage to go to

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2010
Mon, 09-05-2011 - 4:40pm
Things are not good. My son got even more ill so I stayed with husband for the sake of my son...it's exhausting caring for him on my own. This entire weekend we've been fighting and he has been saying nasty things to me. I got so upset and depressed I threatened suicide. :( So now he has that to use against me. He left today and says he will not come back, and that he's scared for our son. I have an appointment with an attorney tomorrow but I am soo terrified of caring for this young, sick child by myself. Today when he was packing I reached for the shoe in his suitcase and he pushed me back; I reached for him (not in anger, but pleading "Please, please") and he put his hand against my chest and pushed me back several steps forcefully. It was terrifying, especially since I was holding our son while he did it. How can I tell the courts that when he will just bring up I'm an unfit mother because I threatened suicide?

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