Going to file my papers - RIGHT NOW
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| Thu, 06-30-2005 - 11:55am |
Oh God. The court registry opens in ten minutes. I'm heading over there as soon as I'm done here. Deep breaths, right?
It just hurts. It hurts and this isn't what I wanted for us. I don't know why I have to do this. He always made me be the "bad guy" in our relationship - I had to set the limits, say what was and wasn't acceptable, reign him in when he started getting too rude, too obnoxious to me, or when he would start friendships with women that would begin to get inappropriately close... I had to say hey - you aren't spending any time with me, or hey, you can't do that, you're married. And now, I have to be the one to do the paperwork.
At least writing this made me a little more brave. I have to remember the bad times. I have to remember the rejection lonliness and hurt.
Wish me luck. I am gonna have a tough day.
L

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Taking this step is one of the hardest things you will ever do in your life. That is how I felt atleast. Just be brave. Hugs to you...I know how you feel :(
Vanessa
My heart breaks for you as I have been through the same crap....I filed today and it felt like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. My husband is verbally and emotionally abusive and a social nitwit (sounds like your husband). It's so hard living with someone like this....like having another child in the house, but actually more self centered than a child. I think you've filed by now, and I hope you feel as good as I do. There's a long road ahead of us until it's all said and done, but I believe God sends us on these journeys for a reason!! Good luck to you
A
STBX was there, too, to sign his stuff.
He was a total jerk, understandably so 'cause he was upset, but it just served to remind me exactly why we were there. He even made a mild threat to kill me, disguised as a very poor joke. It should be final in 6 months, which means I'll celebrate New Years' Eve as a single woman! And none too soon, either.
Hi all,
Thanks for your messages of support, they mean a lot and really do help. I keep reminding myself that I am NOT alone and I am not the only person who has been placed in this terrible position.
I was able to get a hold of a process server on Thursday, the same day I filed, and he was able to actually serve STBX the next morning. So now I have to wait 21 calendar days from the date STBX rec'd the papers to see if he files an appearance challenging anything I put in the statement. (Ha!)
Then on to the next stage. 19 days to go...
I keep reminding myself that STBX and the man I fell in love with are not the same person. He really turned into a Jekyll & Hyde.
Thank you again for all of your help, I think you guys are sometimes one of the only things keeping my head on straight!!!
Woohoo-glad to hear that you were able to serve him and the countdown has begun! Hopefully he'll be like my ex - difficult to deal with at first, but once he realized the ball was rolling and he could only mess with me if he spent his money on legal fees he suddenly became agreeable.
-sang
Thanks, Sang! I know I feel about ten pounds lighter since this one burden is completed. And you are correct, my STBX has all of a sudden become very accommodating! LOL! On Thursday, I hired the server, and he asked if STBX would be difficult... I said I didn't know, because I hadn't talked to him. I also let the server know about the run-around STBX had given me about getting his address. But lo and behold, about three hours after picking up from me, the server called and said he had just talked to STBX, made an appointment for the following morning, and would call after the appointment was completed to confirm that it was kept! So Friday morning, I rec'd the call it was done! Poof! Just like that! Confirms my belief that STBX is a big CHICKEN - he will be all cocky and brave and give me a hard time, but as soon as things get serious, wham - he's a little boy holding on to his mommy's hand all over again. I saw that pattern many times in my marriage - too bad I didn't recognize it sooner!!!!
I seriously, seriously doubt STBX will file anything against me - he doesn't have:
A) a leg to stand on
B) someone to do all the work for him
C) the courage to confront me
D) the brains to do it himself
E) any reason to want to stay in the marriage (made that pretty clear!)
F) the money to fight me
Boy - feels good to list all the reasons he's a loser!
:) L
PS. Ever notice there is only one letter difference between the words "LOVER" and "LOSER"? :)
LOL - are you sure we weren't married to the same loser? My ex sounds so much like yours. Disagreeable to me and playing the tough guy. But once someone else got involved he suddenly did a total attitude reversal and acted like Mr. Agreeable because he wouldn't want that person to think badly of him. Kind of hard to play the poor, poor, miserable me act if someone else besides me witnesses him making my life difficult. My ex was too cheap to even hire a lawyer to review the papers - he got free legal advice from a relative who lives on the other side of the country and isn't even a divorce lawyer so I end up spending money getting my lawyer to answer questions that any divorce lawyer would have understood. And he didn't even kick in his half of the filing fee like he'd promised.
LOL-I hadn't noticed the closeness between 'lover' and 'loser'. Probably because I can no longer think of 'lover' and my ex in the same thought without feeling ill. ;)
-sang
Hmm - maybe it is the same guy! Mine is way too cheap to hire legal advice, too. From what I hear, he is going to his family... Yikes. As for the filing fee, I won't hold my breath. He e-mailed me a few weeks ago (when I needed his address) and said he'd send me the money. HA! HA HA HA! Like my family says, if I hadn't filed, we woulda been married FOREVER, because he's so lazy and incompetent.
I met someone yesterday I hadn't seen in a few years, she and I used to work for the same company, she was in Scheduling and I was a part-time worker. So was STBX. She reminded me that way back then, in about 1997, I was already taking care of him! She asked about STBX, and when I told her we split, she was not surprised. She said "I wondered how long it would take before you got fed up with babysitting him!" See, I used to have to fill out his "time off" sheets, for whenever we needed time off for vacation, and I would also fill them out for him whenever he needed time off for his other job... it got so that they accepted my signature on anything to do with him, and whenever they needed anything they would call me, instead. I had forgotten all about all of that.
Oh yeah, he sure does like to play the MR. Macho, I'm tough and Know everything guy, but the minute someone else comes by or someone in authority is around he turns into Mr. Wimpy Meal. My mom even said that one of the reasons she thinks he cheated is that I no longer saw him as a hero - I knew the real him, and he couldn't handle it. I had seen him when he had no job, lived with mom & dad, had a crappy car, had acne, weighed almost 300 lbs and had a bad sense of style and haircut.
I like the song by The Bravery - "You're The Woman That Made Me a Man"...
Now I just need to get finished with all this! 18 days left...
:)
L
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I think your mom's one smart cookie & I think I've read somewhere before that this is one of the reasons men cheat - because they can be the hero to the OW, whereas within the relationship they are their real selves. So I wonder what happens when OW stops seeing him as a hero, hmmmm.... that's a tough one, now isn't it. ;)
I'm glad things are moving so quickly for you. I think I need to move to your side of the country! My final papers were filed and were supposed to be back at the latest by early May. Still waiting! And whenever they do arrive there's still 30 days until it's final. I can hardly wait to see that envelope in my mailbox.
-sang
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