Going to file my papers - RIGHT NOW

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Going to file my papers - RIGHT NOW
13
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 11:55am

Oh God. The court registry opens in ten minutes. I'm heading over there as soon as I'm done here. Deep breaths, right?

It just hurts. It hurts and this isn't what I wanted for us. I don't know why I have to do this. He always made me be the "bad guy" in our relationship - I had to set the limits, say what was and wasn't acceptable, reign him in when he started getting too rude, too obnoxious to me, or when he would start friendships with women that would begin to get inappropriately close... I had to say hey - you aren't spending any time with me, or hey, you can't do that, you're married. And now, I have to be the one to do the paperwork.

At least writing this made me a little more brave. I have to remember the bad times. I have to remember the rejection lonliness and hurt.

Wish me luck. I am gonna have a tough day.
L

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 3:56pm

WHAT???? THAT LONG????? I'd go insane. Loony-tunes. Bananas. I can't wait until I can get the next step filed (the 22nd). Wow. I know there is about a three-week wait to have the judge take a look and sign... When I went into the courthouse on the 30th they were processing orders rec'd on June 10th. Here, they don't mail the order to you, though, you go to the court and pick it up. I just got the Affadavit of service from the Process server, so that's step 3 complete! Yahoo! Now, just about two more weeks and I can file my Plaintiff's Affadavit and Draft Order.

I was so excited about getting these papers... but the process server was pretty funny. He hands them to me, and as he's saying he didn't have any trouble serving STBX he says "He's a really nice guy! Shook my hand and everything!". YEESH. Like I need that! And then a co-worker leans over my shoulder and says, looking at the photo of STBX, and says "Wow, who's that? He's HOT". BLEAGH! I looked at both of them and said "You can't judge a book by it's cover." My process server then had the grace to at least look embarrased! LOL! He then said - "Well, he seemed kinda surprised, and he knew it was coming, because I had made an appointment with him... He must not be too bright". THAT's an understatement! LOL!

I wish I could somehow void this waiting period. I know STBX isn't going to fight this, so it seems like such a waste of time!

On a happier note, getting this done has been a huge turning point for me. I was still struggling with my feelings, I felt like I was stuck in a hole, and still in love with him, and everything. Now I feel so much better. Maybe it's because I now can actually DO something rather than just sitting around. I don't feel "in love" with him anymore, I love him, probably always will, but the person that I still love isn't around anymore. He's gone, with STBX in his place. I don't think I could have shared 10 years and not have SOME good memories. But man, it feels good to finally reach this stage. It still hurts, and I still haven't seen him in a year, so I imagine if I had to see him it would still rip me to shreds, but hey - progress is progress!

Oh, yeah, one other thing the process server said... it's funny. I handed him the photo of STBX, and he says to me "is this a recent photo?" well, we've been separated a year, how recent do YOU think it is???? HA ha ha! He's lucky I still HAVE un-torn photos of him!

Hmm. Do you have kids from your marriage? I don't think you do... I was wondering, what did you do with your photos from your relationship, wedding, etc? I have no one to save them for, and I have the fully elaborate wedding package, cost like $800. Maybe I will post this as a thread...
TTYL!
L

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 6:47pm

Hi,

I've been a lurker for quite some time and I feel compelled to respond to you now. I had to file the papers too because my stbx was not capable of doing it. He betrayed me by having an EA (maybe physical too, but never admitted it) with a young co-worker almost half his age. I wanted to rebuild and try counseling, and he wanted a divorce, but he is not capable of filing himself. I wasted no time finding an attorney. I filed in May '05 and the soonest it can be final is California is Oct. '05. I will be lucky if he pays half the attorney's fees. As it is, he is not capable of buying me out of the condo successfully. He wanted to just give me a cashiers check for a portion of the amount, and then pay me later with a second loan. The catch, I had to sign the my title away before I had the entire amount. I said no way!

Like you, looking back now, I had to do a lot for my stbx because he was immature. I realize that he has another persona that either I looked beyond or he truly changed. We have no children. I wanted kids, but maybe there's a reason we didn't have kids. My dreams have been shattered, but there are new dreams and goals that I am already defining.

This will be tough for you, like it has been for everyone else, but as I am told and I truly believe this, there is a light at the end of this long, dark tunnel. Good Luck.

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Fri, 07-08-2005 - 2:55pm

It's not supposed to take this long. We filed 2 sets of papers - the first was basically started the process, and they took a lot longer to come back than they were supposed to (I think they were supposed to take a week and they took over a month). This second set finalizes everything-as soon as the judge signs it, the 30 day waiting period before it's final begins. I'm holding off calling my lawyer because I know as soon as I call the papers will show up. But if it takes much longer I will call him - maybe that will make them finally show up!

Oh, I know what you mean - I hate when other people say good things about my ex around me. Doesn't happen so much now, but when we split it did. And when I went to my h.s. reunion and had to tell everyone we'd split, and had to hear from my classmates how surprised they were and how they all liked him so much. @@ 'Cause that's what every separated woman wants to hear! I'm not saying he has no good qualities, but if those people had to spend 5 minutes with the rotten side of his personality they'd be re-evaluating, and I spent over 10 years with him, so the bloom has really gone off the rose as far as I'm concerned!

I replied to your photo question in the other thread. By the time I was done weeding out my photo collection I had a nice little garbage pile. I suppose I could have had a nice little bonfire too, but that seemed a little more vindictive than I was feeling. Although I think part of me would have enjoyed it.

-sang

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