Going to meet with a lawyer for the 1st

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2004
Going to meet with a lawyer for the 1st
15
Mon, 08-22-2005 - 1:04pm

Hello,

I am new to this board. I generally post to the Fibromyalgia board. Since I have been diagnosed with FM our marriage has gone down hill. I am thinking of divorcng my DH. He has not been supportive since day 1 of my FM. He complained I wasn't at work helping with bills like I use 2, never helped me out during my time off work like housework, going to the Dr's etc, unless he wanted something from me. Now I have a job that I like, he complains because I work 2-10:30 pm with Tues/Weds off vs 9-5 M-F. He says we will never see each other anymore and since I work on the weekends he shouldn't have to help around the house since I am not doing anything on the house-my reply is I am at work. Plus, I do what I can on my days off when he is not here and before I got sick I use to do things all the time when we were both off when he was sitting on his butt doing nothing. He doesn't seem to recall any of this. Also, he still does that to me when I stay home not feeling well when he is off and doesn't feel he should do anything since I am not doing anything. When I came home from work yesterday, the house was messy-not the way I left it. The cats had an accident in the bathroom, he know about it, but didn't bother to clean it! It's like he is becoming is creep Dad little by little each day!!

I meet with a lawyer tomorrow for the free consultation. I am scared! I don't make as much $$ as I use, 2. I am afraid if I tell him I want a divorce he will leave me with all the bills, that I couldn't keep up with. I just want to the sell the house, split the equity after paying our outstanding bills, split up the household as equally as possible, and start over on my own.

I feel a little better telling someone. I don't feel I have anyone to talk to, other than my Mother. Atleast I have her support!

Amber

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2004
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 2:56am
Well I met the lawyer, put him on retainor, confronted my dh who became crying... We talked and we going to try marriage counseling for help. I advised my lawyer he told me usually when this happens the other person involved is shopping for a lawyer to I put my case on pause with no penalties/charges and we are going try the counseling. I want our marriage to work, I still love him, but there are many issues both of us need to work on. Well off to bed! TTFN! Amber
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 2:22pm

I am so glad to hear that you are going to get some counseling. Some words of advice for the next few months...
Do get your financial information - make copies of important statements for mortgage, life insurance, IRAs, 401ks, etc. so you will have them IF you need them.
Do stick to your guns about counseling. If he just freaked out because you told him you were thinking about divorce, he could have said something just to stop you from doing it first. I am speaking from experience here. My X said he would go to counseling but I later found out that he hired his own attorney the day after I confronted him. All the while, he was telling me he wanted to work things out.

I wish you all the best!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2004
Tue, 09-20-2005 - 11:23am

Update:

It's only been three weeks since we saw the counselor and he is already ragging on me the things I brought up on the reason I wanted a divorce. So I filled out my paperwork and I am going to see my lawyers paralegal today. I am scared/happy/sad all at the same time.

Gotta go!

Amber

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 09-20-2005 - 12:11pm
Good luck!

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-20-2005 - 12:50pm

From your first post, you mentioned he tries to weasel out of housework by claiming he will only clean while you are cleaning. Did you try doing it his way? Do NO cleaning unless he is there working also? IMO the chances are very small that this will help, except maybe to make a point (whether it is of any importance is for you to judge). I recall that when I was very ill one winter (one flu after another, my toddler kept bringing home bugs and we were both basket cases), I ceased doing my husband's laundry. I still dragged myself about the house to do what DD and I needed, but left his messes exactly where he left them. I was so ill and stressed (and still working to support us all) he didn't have the nerve to say anything about it, but he increased his already frequent absences from our home. The marriage is long dead now. But perhaps he would have sponged off me for many MORE years if I had just "been nicer." LOL!

Sorry to hear that your husband is no longer afraid of losing his family. Best of luck to you all.

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