Going thru divorce and dating
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Going thru divorce and dating
| Wed, 12-07-2005 - 9:01am |
I am dating a man going through a divorce. Right now his soon to be ex is causing all sorts of problems. She was finally court ordered to let us have the children but she still with holds them and attacks me at any chance. She goes through little spirts where one week she's great and the next week she's mean and spiteful. I am good to her kids and they like me and they like it here. They are completely different here because they don't have to worry about what kind of mood I am in or if I am going to fly off the handle for no reason. How can I handle this? She calls him up all the time to either yell at him or beg him home. We have a place of our own and are happy together and it puts a strain on both of us. Him because she's got the kids right now and me because it just flat out ticks me off.

If you really want to be part of this family (which includes your boyfriend's STBX) then I think your best bet is to hold your tongue, be patient, and continue to be good to the children. It's par for the course that a woman going through a divorce is going to have good weeks and bad weeks. Your boyfriend was probably going through this emotional turmoil long before their separation and his wife isn't as far along in the process.
My STBX and I decided to separate in June, he moved out in August. Our situation is very amicable and we share parenting close to 50/50. I personally could care less that his 19-year old girlfriend comes to visit him when he is alone. However, I know that I would not be able to handle it well if this girl was already a part of our children's lives (they are 7 and 19 months). Knowing that your spouse is with another woman is one thing to deal with. Knowing that another woman is helping to raise your babies is a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT thing to deal with.
I know that most likely I will have to accept another woman being an important part of our children's lives someday - I might even like her, but I think that's a lot to expect from your boyfriend's wife considering that she still is that - his wife.
Your question might be more appropriate for this board instead:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-psbonusfam/start
Edited 12/7/2005 3:27 pm ET by mom2maggie
mom2maggie gave you some great advice... and another GREAT board to check out that will be very helpful to you as well.
In the meantime, just try to ignore her as much as you can when she's being negative and uncooperative.... and remind him (gently) that he can just hang up or walk away from her--after telling her that's what he's going to do if she isn't respectful and polite.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~