Grandparent visitation-need advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Grandparent visitation-need advice
4
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 12:35pm

First, I am new here, so forgive me for "butting" in - however, I have a dilemma and I don't know what to do.

I have 3 children with my ex, one of which is a 10 yo girl. She is very close to her gramma on my side, who is actually my stepmom (my dad is deceased). Gramma moved to another state last year, and my daughter has not seen her since. Gramma has invited my daughter to come visit for a couple of weeks in the summer. Problem is: my ex won't let her go! Now, he has his mom, who lives in our town, babysit for him EVERY week during his visitation. But, he tells my daughter that the "other" Gramma is not family (as there is no blood relation, even though this Gramma was there the day she was born, was our regular babysitter, etc...etc..) and has informed me that she can only go if I accompany her (which I can't this summer, because we just took our family vacation last week and I can't take more time off until Christmas).

Is this fair? Or legal? Can he really stop my daughter from visiting her Gramma, just because she lives out of state? We do have an agreement in our MSA that states we need parental approval for any out of the county vacations, but this is her grandma!

So sorry for the length of this question, I really need some advice - should I fight him over this, pay even more money to attorneys (I don't even want to talk about how much this has cost, he fights me on everything and is always trying to lower his child support) or do I have no legal rights in this matter?

TIA!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 3:27pm
I think this is something you should fight him over. Blood should not matter in the eyes of the law, by all intents in purposes all her life this has been her gramma on your side correct? So it won't matter one lick to the courts that she is not blood. Just like if you were adopted or your mother remarried and her "grandpa" was not blood anymore. Give me a break your ex is being petty.
I think this is something you should stand firm on, your daughter has a right to visit with family that she has known all her life and he had no problem with while married to you. He's just being a bully.
Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 10:49pm

I would be fighting for this one if the situation was mine... I would begin by doing some basic research on the laws in your state, to see if Grandparent visitation is even covered--it is in some states and isn't in others...

I completely disagree with his banning your child from seeing her grandmother and I would do everything I could to make sure that the visitation could occur. Children of divorce are the innocent victims of their families being torn apart and they do not need to miss out on the good relationships that they had with x's family members just because you're not married any more... because even if you're not married to them, the grandmother is still the grandmother...

Good Luck!

*hugs*

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 2:34am

Sally & Julie - thanks for the advice, I really need to think about this, we have been to court on everything from who gets the kids on Halloween to where they will go to school . I hate to fight more, but this is probably worth it because it will be an ongoing problem if he continues to deny her the opportunity to visit her gramma.

I guess I'm just so, so very tired of the fighting - it's been almost 5 years. Even my ex's attorney told my attorney the last time we were in court (to lower his child support, again) that he would see us again.

Thanks again, and any other comments would be appreciated. I need to try to decide what is best for my daughter, although I tend to agree it is worth the fight.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 3:46am
Unfortunately, because the morals of the situation are that she should get to visit her grandmother, you may have a problem with her being your sm unless you draw a progressive judge. Step-parents simply do not have the same rights as blood relations. However, on the basis that she has always known your sm as her grandmother would give you an edge from case law. This is really something that you would need to discuss with your attorney to be able to really know whether it is worth a shot at it in court or not. Your attorney is not only an authority on the law and case law, s/he is also an expert on what the judges in your area are like. Check with your attorney!

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