The grapevine told me what he is saying
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The grapevine told me what he is saying
| Wed, 05-09-2007 - 5:46pm |
Hello out there,
Today one of my employees told me a friend of her who knows my former and one of her friends dated him that the reason we divorced was because I tore the family apart by having an affair. My employee happened to know the truth thank goodness but I know my former tells everyone he can this. He is a hairstylist in a very busy metro salon. So imagine all the captive listeners he has. The thing he doesnt tell his audience is the fact he left his (at the time four year old son and me to move to Las Vegas and chase his dream of being a singer. His version of history is he went out there to be with his sick father. His dad was not re-diagnosed with cancer until after we separated. The biggest part is the affair was a one night stand that took place after we split and were living in different homes. The only way he found out about the night was he broke into my home and took my laundry to a private detective. He also never talks about how he was a binge alcoholic and I had to clean up his puke on more than one occasion. Nor does he tell them he loved the computer if you know what I mean. Which to me was another woman. Nor does he tell them that within two month of moving out he was already with two different women and we were going to counseling and he profressed I was the only one for him.
I hate being divorced, I wish I could hit rewind. What a mess.
We were dating again till last November when he told me he met someone online and they were in love. February 26th the day after the six month waiting period he married her.
I still love the jerk and cant seem to move on. There is just a part of me when I hear crap like this that I want to plead my case. He tells me and everyone he can that I am getting what I deserve and I am the one that destroyed the family-- and nothing but a whore. My one night was merely a symptom. After years of being told I was worthless, fat, and would never find anyone to love me like he did. He always told me if it wasnt for him I would sit and wallow in my own crap. I just wanted to be loved and that is it.
I really thought after the divorce I would thrive and be happy. I more miserable than I have ever been and he is the one thriving and living my fantasy with a new woman.
Today one of my employees told me a friend of her who knows my former and one of her friends dated him that the reason we divorced was because I tore the family apart by having an affair. My employee happened to know the truth thank goodness but I know my former tells everyone he can this. He is a hairstylist in a very busy metro salon. So imagine all the captive listeners he has. The thing he doesnt tell his audience is the fact he left his (at the time four year old son and me to move to Las Vegas and chase his dream of being a singer. His version of history is he went out there to be with his sick father. His dad was not re-diagnosed with cancer until after we separated. The biggest part is the affair was a one night stand that took place after we split and were living in different homes. The only way he found out about the night was he broke into my home and took my laundry to a private detective. He also never talks about how he was a binge alcoholic and I had to clean up his puke on more than one occasion. Nor does he tell them he loved the computer if you know what I mean. Which to me was another woman. Nor does he tell them that within two month of moving out he was already with two different women and we were going to counseling and he profressed I was the only one for him.
I hate being divorced, I wish I could hit rewind. What a mess.
We were dating again till last November when he told me he met someone online and they were in love. February 26th the day after the six month waiting period he married her.
I still love the jerk and cant seem to move on. There is just a part of me when I hear crap like this that I want to plead my case. He tells me and everyone he can that I am getting what I deserve and I am the one that destroyed the family-- and nothing but a whore. My one night was merely a symptom. After years of being told I was worthless, fat, and would never find anyone to love me like he did. He always told me if it wasnt for him I would sit and wallow in my own crap. I just wanted to be loved and that is it.
I really thought after the divorce I would thrive and be happy. I more miserable than I have ever been and he is the one thriving and living my fantasy with a new woman.

I am very sorry to hear it. Maybe you will heal faster than I did, I hope you will. But you have to know - it takes a long time for some of us. In my case, I really should have given up on my marriage (came close a few times) but I hadn't yet when my husband moved out. It's shameful but I am going to tell you, I lived in the victim-hood for a couple of years. And then I found Anger, and lived there for even longer. I'm very stubborn (and slow, LOL!). It takes time.
If you don't mind a suggestion, do learn to switch your thoughts over to happier, more productive issues whenever possible. And find some little thing each day to really make you feel happy. A flower. A hot bath. Phone a friend. Take care.
Well, I have to say that I got so tired of the "sad" that the anger was a bit of a relief! And actually, I felt that it was a step along the road to healing, so: a little bit of bitter, for a limited time, is not a bad thing.
It's only bad when you get stuck there, and can't continue on towards wellness.
Scarlett,
Here's a surefire way to short-circuit your Ex's ability to keep throwing stones at you from afar: refuse to listen to gossip.
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
I have been going to divorcecare and spent several months with therapist. I know the biggest thing is my former had such emotional control over me for the past eight years. I never would have imagined I (being in my business the strong confident woman) (most men will tell you they are intimidated by me at the conference table) could lose all control in my personal life.
I want so bad to let go but in the same breath want his love. I am telling you this emotional abuse is so SICK.
Prior to him marrying Ms. Match.com (whom he only knew three months) he was still very affectionate towards me on the drop offs. Lots of touching and groping. I finally had to set boundaries and now he is not allowed past the front door.
I think the hardest moment since he re-married was at our sons baseball game he and the New Mrs. sat there and had their hands all over eachother and kissing. While I sat there by myself. This was the first time I had met her. Even though prior to them getting married my son spent the night at her house on the floor(her kids got beds) while the two of them slept in the same room. This mind you is the devote Christian man whom is in the Church band and stated God is the center of this new relationship. He would not tell me anything about her he said I did not need to know. This is also the man that would continually break in my house check caller ID on phone and *69. Plus would drive by my house all hours of the night to see who was parked there. Unfortunately no one was ever there. He knew every where I went and with whom. He has yet to give me the new address of their home. I do have a general idea as the purchase was in the paper.
Now the other odd ball thing is the new Mrs has two kids (two years apart two different dads) and the daughter whom is 12 or 13 sat on one side of my former at the game and rested her head on his shoulder.
The house is another thing that makes me cringe. This is the man that in divorce decree said he only made 28k. That was just his W2 and not any of his tips or cash gigs(he is also a musician). But he can buy a 200k home. He claimed so little because he did not want to have to pay any child support but does pay small portion. On paper it looks like I make a lot more than him 75/25 - thus I have to cover all medical expenses for our son and pay for the insurance. He pays his child support and that is it! Our son is very active in sports and my former never offers to help with additional costs from it. He feels that little support he gives his son covers it all. When we were going through the divorce he originally said no support because he said I could make it on my own. As I had been for the past 2 years.
I get so frustrated with myself because I sit here (even with all he has done) and say should of could of would wished I would have. I feel like I still love him, but maybe it is out of fear and loneliness.
Ok so I so went into vent mode. Sorry --thanks for your support.