Great link
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Great link
| Mon, 04-16-2007 - 11:04pm |
Here is a link with a LOT of valuable information in it. It is series of articles about divorce, children, issues, etc. I wish I had known about it a long time before now. It would have helped me avoid a bunch of mistakes. :-S
http://www.alllaw.com/articles/family/
Hope it helps,
Becka

Some interesting stuff...although I totally take issue with their section on Domestic Violence - all of the empathy was directed towards the offender instead of the victims - strange/reckless stance....
Rose
There was some stuff there that I did not totally agree with, but overall, I found it very interesting. I wish I had known about the site 4 years ago when I was going through my divorce.
Becka
Just curious.... what would you have done differently? I am just going through the mediation process right now. My STBX and I are hoping to wrap this up quickly as the sale of our home closes on May 15th and we want to have all the details worked out by then. We have agreed on custody so far but still have to establish proper support and divide our assets. I am doing most of the work which is proably working to my advantage so far. I would love to know some things you would have done differently - from a 'been there done that, wich I had...?"
Rose
you know what i would have done differently rose?
i would have said no thank you on sept 12, 1984 when he popped the question. i would have finished my degree, worked really hard for a few years, saved my money. i would have been more selective on who i dated, i would have traveled more.
hindsight is 20/20. i have two beautiful kids, and i can now finish my degree. i can be in complete control of my life and not answer to a man who is drunk on the couch.
what
My biggest error was that I chose an attorney based on the cost, not on how good she would do. I lost out in the long run. I was coming out of a lot of mental abuse and my self esteem was in the negative zone. She knew that and sat there while he railroaded me. Under her recommendation, I let him have some factors that should've gone to me because she had told me that if we went into a custody battle, I could lose. Looking back now, I know that I wouldn't have lost. My attorney was more worried about getting paid than representing me. She also seemed to not really care about what was best for my daughter.
During the summer we were going through the divorce, I decided I needed a little "mini vacation" in July. The only thing I had to pay for was my plane ticket (about $250). I had not seen my dd since May 17 (Her dad did not bring her back after his visitation.) I was severely close to a breakdown and needed to get away for a few days. Instead of driving the 4 hours to see her, I chose to fly to Michigan instead and get some "me time." I called her every day, although most days I was not allowed to talk to her. It was a very heart wrenching time for me. I found out later that during that time, the ow (now the stepmom) actually told my dd that I loved my boyfriend more than I loved her or else I would've come to see her instead of going to see him. This still bothers her occassionally to this day.
I could've gone to see her. BUT, if I had, 1)There was no guarantee that they would even be home. 2)They probably would not have let me see her. 3)The police would've gotten involved. I did not want my dd to witness that. 4)My car was too old to be reliable enough to make the drive. It ran well enough to get me back and forth to our meeting place (4 hr round trip), but I could not trust it to make the entire drive(8 hour round trip).
I went on my trip, had a wonderful time, then came back to the same mess. That summer, I did not see my dd from May 17 to Aug. 23--3 days before she went started kindergarten. We had to ask for an emergency custody hearing in order to get her back with me. During that hearing is when we settled the divorce. I was in no frame of mind to do that, I was completely stressed out and still close to a nervous breakdown but I was pressured into doing it by all other parties--including my attorney. I had told my atty that I couldn't mentally handle anything that day, but she insisted (based on the rising bill) and then let me be railroaded by him. I did not have enough mental strength that day to stand up and say no. I told her that beforehand, but she did it anyway.
My God I am soooo sorry! I am practically in tears just reading this let alone living the nightmare. In the end your daughter is with you and that is what matters.
I am very leary of the lawyers motives so we are trying the mediation route - although I am concerned that STBX might try and hide a little money, in which case the mediator will withdraw from our case. Having said that I made sure that I got a lawyer that comes highly recomended and I do not care what I have to pay him, I just want good reliable representation.
((((Hugs to you)))))) Hindsight is always 20/20 and I have no doubt that you did the best you could under the most incredibly difficult circumstances.
Rose
I have to laugh because I have thought the same thing! Although I would never had my 2 gorgeous dd's so I don't really have any regrets. I am just looking forward to having a second chance to get the rest of my life right!
I am very excited about the possibilities ahead of me.
What be sure to keep your eye on the light at the end of the tunnel - it's there I promise you!
Rose