Grieving what never was and what never will be...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2011
Grieving what never was and what never will be...
3
Sat, 01-28-2012 - 12:19am

HI, I don't post here much, have been posting on EAS for years.

Brief summary:

Formerly heartacheafter7years
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sometimes it just don't work out the first time Angie. My best friend had the same problems you had with her 1st H. She divorced him and has been married to a wonderful man for the past 10 years. Your a beautiful woman inside and out and you just have to believe that you WILL have a second chance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2011

Thanks Peaceyma :)

Formerly heartacheafter7years
Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004

Angie,

Hi. Grieving is part of dealing with divorce. After all, divorce is like a death except there is no funeral. And unlike a funeral, a divorced person doesn't get the benefit of sympathy from the community, because people take sides.

My suggestions:

1)Find a divorce support group at a mental health center or church near you. DivorceCare is a good one. You'll find support, understanding, and empathy to help you process the loss of your marriage.

2)Take inventory of what was good about your marriage no matter how small or whimsical it may have seemed. These are the things we remember later when the pain of grief has subsided.

3)Value the times you do have to tuck in your children at night and enjoy the time you spend with them. Make it about their memories, not yours. Eventually, it will be less painful to share custody and you'll recognize opportunity for you to focus on yourself when your kids are not around.

Finally, at some point, I want you to make a list of all the POSSIBILITIES that are now in front of you. I did this 15 years ago when I divorced. I wrote down things like "write a best seller" and "meet Oprah Winfrey" and "remarry." Well, I didn't write a book or meet Oprah, but I did remarry.