Growing impatient with lawyer
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| Tue, 01-16-2007 - 4:43pm |
STBX is still asking me WHY I won't give the marriage a chance. He claims he never knew there were problems. Fact is he chose to ignore me when I did tell him I was unhappy and wanted counseling. He also seems to forget when I told him I wanted out of the marriage back in 2005.
It's not my fault he "forgets."
I informed my lawyer 6 days ago that I am ready to file and need to resolve custody and support immediately because I am moving into my own apartment and the money will help so we don't have to scrape by. I can barely make it on my own. I'm currently living with my mother.
My lawyer wanted to work on a few items and I was instructed to wait until I hear from him before informing STBX that I am filing for divorce and offering him a settlement regarding custody/child support. (One much more lenient than the court would give him).
The daily emails and calls are wearing on me and I want to tell him what I plan to do. My silence, I'm sure, is feeding his hope because after 7 weeks separated, I have yet to file or tell him when I am filing. I need to put a stop to it. I need to secure custody and get support. I need for him to decide what he is doing with his life (hopefully taking his old job back in our old home town). I need closure. I need to move on.
6 days. I know it's not long. But my patience is very thin this week. (sigh)

Just want to send hugs.
I think we have probably exchanged posts already, but I wanted to say -- 7 weeks seems like an eternity to you and to him, too. I am "the left" like your stbx and one doesn't get over it and move on in 7 weeks.
Now I am not pestering my stbx or sending obnoxious emails etc. We still live in the same house. I have been quite polite under the circumstances.
But, we are in very different places -- my stbx was gone (as were you) a long time ago, but didn't bother to tell me his thinking -- so I am playing catch up *and* I don't want it to happen (mostly for my kids' sakes). I am cooperating and taking the appropriate steps, but emotionally I am very angry and in an agony of worry about my children.
Although your stbx may be all kinds of horrible, he probably still has plenty of grieving and anxiety to process through.
To the extent you can, be patient, knowing, in the end, you will have what you want. As you take steps he will respond and the process will move along.
Hugs,
M
I appreciate your point of view. And I acknowledge this is very hard on him. I do feel badly about that. It tears me up that the unthinkable is happening to him. I wish he would at least try to care that I was hurt. He doesn't. As always, the problem is entirely my fault. I wish he could be... cordial. Instead he accuses me of being mentally unstable. There can't possibly be anything wrong with him.
I try to put myself in his shoes. I know 7 weeks is pretty short. I'm trying to be patient with him. But alas, he is killing himself by obsessing. Even his doctor told him he needs to snap out of it or he will kill himself. He's not eating. He's wasting away to nothing. He drinks a ton of coffee and tea. It's painful to watch.
Then he tells me to "go get help." After all, I must be nuts to want a divorce. He treated me like a queen. Ya... a queen who needed to be taught lessons and put in her place.
Bel