Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
5
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 8:03pm
I am so freakin fed up! That ignorant stbx. Not once has he tried to talk to me about working things out. Not once has he tried to have visitation with the older two boys. Nothing from the freak. So, Monday I get a long email from him. Two legal pages, single spaced when printed. "He loves me and our family" "He doesn't want me to tear us apart" "He has always loved _____ and _____" "He doesn't has a quote unquote problem" "He is attending counseling for me not so much for him" Need I flippen go on!!! Oh! And he isn't going to cut off his mother. I never asked him to! I specifically told the counselor I would not make any suggestions about his mother because that is his business. He spends the whole email talking about how I shouldn't throw away our family because of "disagreements". That we should just agree to disagree! Ok, yes I admit I have my own issues. I am a very independant woman. Maybe I didn't lean on him enough. BUT, I bet that is why we lasted as long as we did because he isn't man enough to lean on. All of our issues aside between us does not minimize what he has done to the kids. Really is having a 9 and 10 stand up in the bath showing you they are covered with soap appropriate? Don't think so. Does having the kids ask for permission to get a drink of water from the kitchen a little overbearing? Yep. Does not allowing the boys to sit on a bed together to play a card game too controlling? Yep. He is a freaking control monster and won't see that. My littlist has been sick the past two days. Can't keep anything down. Tonight is stbx night to pick up the younger two. I figure, ok 6pm, why not invite him in for dinner. He can visit with her and spend time with us. Especially since he "loves" this family and wants us to be together. The big freak wouldn't sit and eat with us. He didn't say two words to me. You know what, I have flippin had it. There will be absolutely no reconcilation. He can go the heck as far as I am concerned. I have dealt with sick children the past few days, worked from home, still kept the house clean and am scraping by financially. This marriage is OVER!!
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 8:29am
Your STBX xan say whatever he wants, but his actions show the obvious. He gets to conveniently say he wants the family to stay together, but will do nothing to actually make it work. And in the end, you get to shoulder the blame for "breaking up the family." I'm glad you can see through his controlling and manipulation!




iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 8:40am

Boy, can I sympathize with you!

I'm in the process of divorce also and had to deal with a similiar situation Sunday. It was the first weekend STBX was to take the kids (well, my DD is 11 and DS, 16) so just DD went because DS had plans.

Anyway, he takes her Friday night. Then Sat. he takes DS and his friend fishing, which meant, he had to come to the house and get his boat and truck (yeah, he's got A LOT of toys)! So DD spent the day with me. STBX took her again Sat. night and was supposed to call me when he was bringing her home Sun. So DD calls me around 4:00 p.m., I was out running errands and says she's already home and STBX was at the house helping DS clean the pool Okay I'm thinking, he's showing DS how to clean the pool, no big deal.

Well, I get home 15 minutes later and the IDIOT STBX has his bathing suit on and is lounging at the pool and swimming! WHAT THE HELL? I mean really! He wouldn't have given ANY OF US the time of day when he was living at home and now he's hanging out by the pool? Oh, I could have spit nails! And because I do not yet have a court order (7/24 can't get here soon enough) there's not a darn thing I can do about it! He comes and goes as he pleases (just like old times)! I have had it too!

My STBX was a MAJOR CONTROL FREAK and I don't miss that "eggshell" feeling of him being home. When he was home, we couldn't talk to him if he was on the computer, if he was sleeping, we tiptoed around, UGH! My house has become SO PEACEFUL without that nazi living in it! I can even see the "relief" my children feel! I'ts amazing really, how long I put up with the verbal/emotional and physical abuse!

Big hugs to you, hang in there, the best you can. I know some days are harder than others, today is a hard day for me. I'm torturing myself thinking about STBX and the OW, for some reason today. UGH!

Keep us posted and keep posting. The ladies on this board have been a tremendous help to me, they are from all stages of divorce and have a bunch of great advice!

Jenn in CT

Jennifer

Proud Mom of Travis (15) and Mandi (10)

and our pets, Sully the Dog and Till

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 9:05am
I always say 'actions speak louder than words' and his actions are yelling. He can say whatever he wants but if you ask me he's trying to control you and give you false hopes that he's going to change. It also sounds like he is not owning up to his part in this divorce or separation. Stick to your guns and take care of yourself and kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 3:57pm

His letter was a clear attempt to try to make you feel bad..... most likely in an effort to attempt to lessen any guilt from this that might be creeping around in his conscience.


I'm with ya.... that letter was just fuel and validation that it's over.


HUGS,

Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 8:47pm
BIG thanks to ALL of you!!