guardian choice for will
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| Thu, 05-18-2006 - 11:31am |
I'm wondering if anyone has had this issue or can help me work it out..
I need to re-do my will and my natural choice is my stbx but an issue came up yesterday
that made me question this...
My babysitter has had minor surgery so she is unavailable...I asked my stbx if he would pick up the kids at school(since he was taking them out for dinner)..and to make sure he knew he had to pick them up on Friday at school..(it is his weekend....his 1 of the month..but that is a different story)..he couldnt on Wednesday but he said he will pick them up and take them to his office until he is done work..
I (very innocently, honest!) suggested that he had his gf pick them up and take them home..well, he flipped out..he said 'why do you have to bring her into every conversation?
they are not her responsibility' I said "well, yes in a way they are, I just thought that way the kids wouldnt have to hang around your office' - on previous occasions the kids have said that he took them to work with him & put them in a room and were told they couldnt leave til he came to get them - nice.. he then said 'it's none of your business what I do with the kids' well that really cheesed me off! I told him yes it is my business
then I got to thinking is he afraid to leave the kids alone with her or does she just not want to be alone with the kids? I asked him what if you were not there & something happened to the kids...are they not her responsibility then? his response was 'it hasnt happened'.
so this led to me thinking about my will...if something happened to me tomorrow & the kids had to go live with their father, what would happen?..he has shown time and time again the his gf comes first...if she doesnt want them around, which she has made quite clear, who will they live with? can I designate who they live with?
I dont know why this is an issue for me..but I'm really concerned about this..
any help or thoughts would be appreciated
Annette

Hi Annette..... Speaking from the "girlfriend" who was "expected" to take care of SO's kid.... I can respect where he's coming from..... however, I know that what you'd like to see at this point is more "love" between him and the girlfriend so that she'd like to help him out.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Follow me to my partner in the siggy exchange....
thanks,
I was afraid that would be the response...I know that he loves the kids but I guess I am still trying to make him put them first..which he will never do..
You are right that they are not her sole responsibility and I dont want them to be..
I'm just trying to get him to put the kids first & he won't...I talked to him about my concerns and what he would do if something happened & he hedged...he just said ..well nothing is going to happen...
I am hitting my head against a brick wall..
thanks for your help
Annette
And, heaven forbid, if the situation did turn to that, he might do a 180 and step up to the plate.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
This is something I was thinking about last year...I brought the subject up with my ex and his response is that if anything happened to me, he would do his best to raise our ds himself "with a lot of help from *your* family". My family was pretty darn floored at that!
I am going to approach the subject again sometime this year - I would like to rewrite the parenting plan we have as it does not reflect what we are doing and I know I'd like to get a 'real' will in place - so I am likely to get a lawyer to do both for me at the same time. All I have right now is a 'holographic will'. In there, I state that if my ex is not willing to take care of ds full-time, that I'd like my sister to care for my ds. Don't know if that is even legal - but I wanted to have some kind of statement somewhere! Hopefully, I won't kick the bucket before I get a more formal will in place.
I think it just sucks....the ex is having so much fun while I feel like I am slogging through work, school and doing the majority of the work raising our ds, but if I die, then knucklehead would have custody. I already have a big issue with his not taking on more responsibility - tried to talk to him the other night, I asked questions, told him what's been going on lately in his son's and my life, asked him what he thought his responsibility was and all the time, he just stood there looking sad. He finally said, "You know I never was a very good parent." I hope nothing ever happens to me because I don't think he'll ever step up to plate!
Good luck and best wishes to you - I hope you can find an answer to your question!
that is an excellent idea..
that is his reaction to a "T"...'stop telling me what to do!!!!'
I will heed your advice..and see if it works..he is just so insecure in his relationship and terrified to be alone..
thanks
Annette
Well, I do know that if anything ever happened to me that my parents would be very involved to see the kids a lot (they see them pretty much every day now).
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
actually I asked my divorce lawyer what she thought & she suggested my parents...
I am going to contact a will/estate lawyer but I like the idea of putting in that if he is not willing to look after the kids full-time that they go to my parents
I think the case is that he doesnt think about it because, "oh I dont have to worry, Annette will take care of it"...oooohhh that burns me..
thanks