Guess what. He wants to come backalready
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Guess what. He wants to come backalready
| Sat, 01-13-2007 - 2:13pm |
OK one day away from Momma (me) and he is already sorry he left. He called He wants to live here but he is not sure whether he will ever get with OW.
What do you do? Some of you will say NO WAY .......but some will say well who knows what does it hurt? We will still be divorced in two weeks.
He does do work around here and has some wallboard and baseboard to finish up. He also pays for everything. Maybe I will let him come back and finish some things around here and when and if he does go with OW he can support me for three more months when he leaves to give me more time with my business.
We are going to meet in a while and discuss it. I guess I will give him guidelines if I do let him come back. I know I cannot prevent these long phone calls and emails. I think he is going through mid life crisis and while most men buy a new red convertible I guess he had to find his sweetheart from 30 years ago.
I am not ready to look for another man or move on.......anyway.
I will demand that he does not verbally abuse or emotionally abuse me. If he does he can go right on out the door. And he can take me out to dinner once a week. I do like our sex life. I just cant believe he has put me through all of this.
I will keep you posted. If this crazy making does not kill me!
What do you do? Some of you will say NO WAY .......but some will say well who knows what does it hurt? We will still be divorced in two weeks.
He does do work around here and has some wallboard and baseboard to finish up. He also pays for everything. Maybe I will let him come back and finish some things around here and when and if he does go with OW he can support me for three more months when he leaves to give me more time with my business.
We are going to meet in a while and discuss it. I guess I will give him guidelines if I do let him come back. I know I cannot prevent these long phone calls and emails. I think he is going through mid life crisis and while most men buy a new red convertible I guess he had to find his sweetheart from 30 years ago.
I am not ready to look for another man or move on.......anyway.
I will demand that he does not verbally abuse or emotionally abuse me. If he does he can go right on out the door. And he can take me out to dinner once a week. I do like our sex life. I just cant believe he has put me through all of this.
I will keep you posted. If this crazy making does not kill me!

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Dolly, forgive me for being rude here, but WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?
You are seriously considering letting him come back when you know the relationship with the OW will continue? When there is no respect shown for you and he has made no real effort to stop his bad behavior?
You need to have some time alone to get your head straight and sort out what is really best for you. This is your third split from this man, do you really want to allow the pattern continue for the rest of your life?
Please find a counselor to help you figure this out.
hi dolly
Back from Bingo and didn't win boo hoo. Boy dolly one day away and all your tears. Hmmm I know I can not tell you what to do but I will advise you. I think he for sure knows now that he can come and go in and out of your life in the blink of an eye because he knows that NO matter what he does or continues to do you will always take him back in. You are buying another ticket on the never ending rollercoaster of emotions. Yes it is your choice but what just what if you said you are not ready for him to come back? Then what? And you get a neighbor or friend or yourself to do the baseboards? He will then see that you do not need him. See he is like a nessecity to you right now and he sure knows it. He wants his home and cake too and that is not the way life is. See I to hated the feeling of being alone in my home with out my ex but you have not even given yourself a chance to breath your own air my dear. What are you afraid of dolly? Really being lonely? Well I would say your pretty lonely with him there since he is always on the phone with her! So you need to get to couseling and see why you let him treat you the way you do. Why you think you are not worthy of being treated with dignity and respect that you very well deserve. As for sex well I am going to put it this way how is sex good when it is just the motions. Girl I thought the sex with my ex was great but one does not know what love making is until you have it with someone who is emotionally in the same mind state as you. Yes getting off is the same but to look into someones eyes that truly loves you and shows you at the moment how wonderful it is with two people who love and respect each other is the GRANDEST thing you will ever experience in this life.........
See I was you too, I had sex with my ex and then after it was like nothing ever happened in our home. Every thing went back to the same thing as before and I was as happy as I thought I was before our fight or what ever it was that million time. While I had that taste of crap I just ate for two days still lingering my throat. I know your not ready because if your were you would throw him out on his arse and never let him back in. Your an angel dolly and may the lord give you the streagth you will need to get past the next episode he decides to throw at you because he hasn't changed in 28 years it is likely he is not going to change and you will just be his scape goat or fall cushion.
Good luck to you and I am sorry if I came across harsh but I hate to see women hurt so much and suffer because they think there is no out let or way out because there are millions of women divorced in this country today and we are breathing and ALIVE..If I knew then what a real relationship was I would have not WASTED so many years on a sick excuse of a man my ex was. Take care
He is coming over to talk. I do appreciate all of your advice and know you are probably right.
Please dont give up on me. I am trying to be sane I really am!
I know you're trying to be sane! And you're doing the best job possible. When we give advice and seem harsh, it's just because we care. Many of us have made similar mistakes and ended up paying a heavy price. We just don't want to see that happen to you.
I strongly feel this is where you need to take a stand. Do not allow him to play games with you. You can do this, I swear.
Dolly, dear, I am praying for you.
I pray you have the courage to let him go. You both will know more about yourselves and what you want and whether he can behave well with time apart, maybe a long/permanent time, maybe shorter, but you need some time apart. Give yourself the time. The door should stay shut.
Hugs,
M
Dolly I do not mean to be harsh.... I know it makes you feel good to have him running back to your door so quickly, but unfortunately - this is just a temporary stop-over. He still wants this OW and you will go through all of this heart break over and over and over again if you keep letting him come back. You deserve so much more in life. Who knows what is going to happen in his mixed up situation but do you want to be pawn in their little game? Bow out gracefully - wish him well but let him know you need to move on with your life. You can't do that when he is there subjecting you to his demoralizing behaviour. best of luck Dolly - I know this isn't easy but I think you will just be pitting off the inevitable....
(((((Hugs))))))
Rose
Dolly,
Only you can decide what is best for you. What I would like you to do is to take a step back from your situation for a moment. Think with your head, not your heart. I know it's tough. Then go back and re-read all of the posts you have made before about the way he has treated you, abused you. Please listen to me, it's all a mind game. He has been abusing you mentally all these years. He's been feeding on that for a power trip. Now he's feeling as though he's lost his "meal ticket" and it's making him nervous. He needs his fix. If you will pardon the analogy, he's like a vampire looking for blood. He has to have his power trip--feels like less of a man if he doesn't. He needs to get his sick little reassurance back so he tries to play more mind games with you.
I'm not saying you don't deserve to be happy. You deserve to be very happy. But do you honestly think you will be Happy? Before you allow him back in, please do some very serious soul searching and thinking. Make sure this is the right decision for YOU--now and more importantly, the future!! You already know that if the OW were to leave her husband and welcome him there, he'd be gone. Why put yourself in a position to be hurt all over again? Again,this is your decision, but not one to be made lightly. We will, of course, be here when ever you need us. Best of luck and please take care.
PS: No one is giving up on you! You are sane.
Edited 1/13/2007 9:09 pm ET by mebrenda
Hugs, Brenda
When I ask him to leave the other night.....yes maybe that was the right decision. but it is in the plans already anyway .......
you guys know how hard this is. My little poodle actually gets tears in her eyes when he leaves. She adores all of us but really him more maybe as he sits and watches tv and holds her and plays with her more outside.
This whole thing has been very difficult. I know to some of you think I am nuts but honestly we spent 29 years together a few more weeks or months wont make a huge difference. I told him go ahead and call her all you want, email her all you want.
so what he is in MY bed and I hope that makes her squirm. But I said if I decide to email a man or have coffee with him or something then get use to it! He said that was fair. We have a good sex life. But I told him to tell me the minute he has sex with this skank that is it for us. i dont know what she has or what her husband has .........
I dont know why this OW has so much power over him .........she isnt that pretty or sexy or anything. she is a religious hypocrite who has committed adultery on her husband, had my Husbands child in THEIR marriage now she is back after him ......
well you know girls I am going to start taking better care of ME. Maybe I will go have coffee with a man if I meet one LOL..........I am going to do what I need to do to enhance my life.
well at least we will be divorced thanks to the skank, and he can leave real fast in a simple way anytime I want! I am in more control than you think. He does understand that I may at anytime ...with a little warning say well thats it Doc!
I honestly think at their age, she is 51 and he 56 that spending hours and hours and hours on the phone and emailing several times a day..........I think its pathetic. I ask him how can she be so sneaky with her husband there. she must be a pro at it I said LOL
I also said well honey you know you do not like needy women I would be careful with this one. He is a good provider for our family but he does not like continuing emotionally needy women.
This whole thing will give me even more time to get money in savings and get more organized with everything and heck he can just finish that baseboard and the mudding walls in the corner he started. you betcha.
like someone said he could do those things living elsewhere but I dont think he would once he is with her. I doubt if she will let him. like she is telling him he cant have his one glass of wine at night, cant have his coffee and cant have his colas LOL and cant smoke occasionally. We will just see how long he is comfortable with that. LOL I am the kind of person who believes we are all free individuals and should not be contolled by others.
I will just use him and its more sensible financially right now for both of us..
I am stronger today girls much stronger. I feel more of my power coming back. I will probably seduce him all the time to spite her and believe me I can and I hope she eats her heart out. you know they say a little revenge is healthy LOL
Yes I know that she can leave her husband and he will run to her side. So what. I am not going to put my life on hold until then. I am an extremely monogomous person but I will have my antenae up all the time though.
I have lost alot of love for him. He is just here. sometimes like a ghost walking through the room.
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